Today was a great day. I am completely worn out, but I’ve nearly made it through. I did lots of good things – spoke to important people, and spent quality time with the team.
In addition to keeping a full time job, I also run my own company, taking on a very limited number of clients at a time. I guess you could say I do my own freelance work “Officially”.
I don’t want to work 50-60 hours a week. I want time to spend with my husband. He is the love of my life, and our time together is filled with snuggling and laughter. When we are together, I can loose myself. There is no need to put on an act.
He enjoys my strange sense of humor, and knows just how nerdy I am. With him there is no pretending. It is the best feeling in the world. When I’ve had a long day, he is the only thing that I want to come home to, but I have a hard time relaxing when I’ve got things on my task list.
It is extremely hard to sit still and relax while the house is dirty or thoughts of laundry are haunting your mind. All I want is to spend time with him when he asks me to cuddle, but I am distracted by the mess in the room. Before we got our dogs we purchased dark brown suede furniture. About a year later we got a fluffy white dog.
I spend a lot of time vacuuming.
My personality can come off cold sometimes, when I am deeply focused. I have to schedule things or they will not happen, and that includes spending time with my husband.
It is funny how the thing that I want most always ends up somewhere at the end of my ever growing priority list. I often like to stack rewards at the end of big tasks, celebrating a job well done.
My brain really allows me to get things done. When I am “in the zone” I can work on a problem with clarity for several hours without needing a break. Any problem that I encounter is like a puzzle ball for me to untangle. I look at the problem (puzzle) from all angles.
The longer I look into a problem the clearer the solution becomes. I am great at noticing patterns. I am also a special kind of learner. Unfortunately, like many others on the spectrum had a hard time with school. Although our parents truly wanted the best for us, we had hard child hoods, filled with confusion.
The Autistic mind is a brilliant mind, but the way neurotypical people teach is not always helpful to us. I was lost in school because I was not understanding my teachers. The lights and sounds were overwhelming, and I often went to the nurse complaining of “headaches”. The nurse never wanted me to go home because I had no fever.
I have an extremely high pain tolerance, which seems to have helped me with my sensory problems. Nobody suspected that my headaches were actually Autistic Meltdowns. I remember my mother telling me to toughen up. So I toughened up, and learned how to hide my pain. Before I knew it I was pushing myself through the discomfort.
Today I am pushing on through. Going through my day, doing all of the things that I need to do. Despite my physical and sensory feelings, I am happy, only slightly distracted.. Sometimes that is all that you can ask for.
Over all today was a generally good day.