Unable to Speak

I’ve started writing in a journal. Since it is hard for me to express how I really feel out loud verbally. Writing helps to give me the visual script needed in order to better explain to myself and others how I feel. I wish Autism did not carry the stigmas that it does. When you mention Autism, people tend to assume that you are less intelligent than the average NT.

Perhaps what is most frustrating to me is that I know how intelligent I am, even if I am not very good at showing / telling others. In my head, I have complex ideas, and endless knowledge an many topics. My inability to verbally express all that is going on behind the curtain is something I struggle with.

People love the fact that I do not argue with others. In reality, I can’t argue with others and often shut down if I try. My verbal language difficulties leave me mute from time to time, and the added stress of an argument makes this phenomenon almost inevitable.

Leaving me unable to speak.

 

 

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11 thoughts on “Unable to Speak”

    1. There are terms for just about all of the traits associated with being a human on the spectrum. Sometimes I feel like there are too many terms no wonder NT’s think Autism is a disease to be cured. I do see the usefulness in naming the “side effects”, but they tend to make us sound defective. I’m not defective, the NT world is just not made for me. Perhaps someday, when the world wakes up to our uniqueness we will no longer need so many words to describe our problems.

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      1. It seems to me that the majority of the population is just elsewhere on the human spectrum than I, maybe not so different after all.
        I see the terms that are being applied to symptoms of autism being applied to my other son, who is not ASD and it makes me happy, like if we can figure out how to best teach my ASD son, we can use the same techniques for my other son… and they work, really work. So as long as the terms and techniques are applied universally, then focusing on the ASD spectrum is immensely beneficial to all of us. Now that we have a voice, we are changing how we are treated, accommodated, taught, etc. For the benefit of all.
        It might be that the world is not accommodating, and not awake, but my house is. And the household across from me, and I know one in the next town, and my workplace, and three workplaces in the next town. This makes me immensely hopeful.
        I think these terms will become more common in usage, and applied to any individual who needs them, rather than being our sole property.
        That was a bit of a ramble. I hope that makes sense.

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        1. Thank you so much! I LOVE to hear what others have to say and am always down for some positive conversations. That is the best thing about being around people who are close to or on the spectrum – community. We have one, although most of it seems to be online (at lest for me right now) and it tends to be very supportive.

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  1. I have the same problem. I can usually verbalize my opinions to family but when it comes to acquaintances and at work I know due to my lack of being able to really verbalize and turn the thoughts in my head into words I often sound not very intelligent even though I have a college degree and have a high IQ.

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  2. So much agree as an autistic myself the stigma is one of the hardest things. That’s the difficulty with language labels are needed for everything but the interpretations are many. I love my ASD just wish others weren’t so scared. From AutiWomanDifferentBox spread the love ❤️

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    1. You know the thing is we are not really “disabled” the world that NT’s have built just doesn’t accommodate us very well. I wonder if back before modern times, before spoken words, florescent lights, etc, being on the spectrum would have been less of a problem.

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    1. Oh goodness – I’ve done that too. It’s been a while, but maybe that is because I have made a conscious decision that people are not worth arguing with. Buddhism really helped me before I realized I was Autistic. It gave me a structured plan of attack on many of my weaknesses.

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