Autism, Asperger’s, Relationships and Love

Being in a relationship is difficult for people without social impairments. Being in a relationship with an Aspie can be frustrating whether both partners are on the spectrum or not.

I love my husband. He is my favorite person in the entire world but I don’t envy him.

I can be a difficult person to live with. Being affectionate doesn’t always come naturally to me. When I am feeling tired or worn down I often retreat into myself, shutting out the world, becoming cold and robotic.

In addition to occasionally becoming the real life version of the ice queen, there are other Aspergian traits that my husband takes in stride.

Stores can be overwhelming to me, especially if I’ve had a long or stressful day. He talks to people at the supermarket checkout lines so I don’t have to. My husband also  helps to keep me on track during our shopping trips, since I am easily distracted in busy places.

When we go out with friends or coworkers, my husband is like my Neurotypical translator.

I have a very hard time reading the faces of people I don’t know very well (even people I do know can be hard to read). My husband’s face provides comfort, and his familiar expressions give me conversational cues that would otherwise be missed. He even stops me discretely if I end up going off on a tangent or am offending someone.

Being an Aspie in love can be difficult, our desire for solitude can put a strain on our relationships, especially if our partner  does not understand our needs. Being with a partner who is socially active can drive an Aspergian crazy. Social people thrive on communal gatherings much like Aspies thrive in solitude.

So is it better if Aspies date other Aspies? Well, that depends on your strengths and weaknesses. Being in a relationship with someone who has all the same deficits as you can create a very difficult or negative situation. There is no right or wrong answer to the question, but statistically Aspies do tend to end up with more introverted partners.

There is another dark side of being an Aspie in love, a very dark side – stalking and obsession. If the object of an Aspergian’s affection becomes that Aspie’s special interest some unhealthy behaviors can arise.

Shameful as it is, and it’s hard to admit, I was guilty of this in my younger and more naive years. My stalking was harmless, I would never hurt anyone, but could have easily gotten me into big trouble. This type of behavior seems to be common, especially in young Aspian women.

I feel truly lucky to have met my husband. In the years before I found out about Asperger’s, I had a lot of healing to do, and he helped me through it. He is my best friend, my true love, caregiver, and my protector.

Lucky for me on this Valentine’s Day – I am an Aspie in Love.

 

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20 thoughts on “Autism, Asperger’s, Relationships and Love”

  1. I’m so happy that you liked one of my posts and linked me back to your blog. I’m a parent to an Aspie child and I am always curious to know how he might turn out to be as an adult. Your posts will hopefully give me a good idea. I’m an introverted parent and I get when my son sometimes doesn’t like crowded place or just leaving the house. We’re trying to help him become more socially active though. I pray that he finds a loving understanding partner in the future. Thank you “Anna” and good luck 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. this was very interesting to read, i have a question, and i am asking it with a little fear. i have a little boy who is supposedly on the spectrum, he is only 1,5 years old and i think he has Asperger. i just want to know what was it like when you were a child, i want to know how to be to help my boy, how to show him my affection and understanding and how to help him? if you think my question is inappropriate or bothers you , don’t have to answer it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello, so your questions do not bother me at all. There are already a few posts on this page about my childhood actually. Trouble & Bullies in School, My Autism Was Obvious & Everyone Missed It, etc. Please scroll through my posts and if you have any specific questions let me know. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I never had real stalking issues, either. I did make inappropriate advances toward 2 men who treated my autism. I never intended to have an affair with either. Both were much older, father-like people who never did anything inappropriate. They did not give up on treating me for that reason.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. A man with AS was incarcerated for stalking a girl, though he didn’t harm her physically. He kept on e-mailing her. It scares me to think about someone on the spectrum in jail.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I think being educated on why I had those feeling would have been helpful. I am extremely logical and if I’d had a better understanding of the behavior, and myself, back then I might have done things differently. The person I stalked did not mind my stalking, in fact, I think he may have even liked it. (I know because I dated this person for years afterwards and we have laughed together about this incident.)

          Like

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