Finding Out About My Autism as an Adult

When you find out you are Autistic as an adult your world is suddenly completely different but still exactly the same.

My entire life I’ve felt out of step with the world. I am awkward, clumsy, often confused, but at the same time I can be shockingly clever – probably why my Aspie nature went undetected for so long.

Once you learn and begin to see yourself and the world from the enlightened perspective of Autism you can no longer return to pretending you might be “just like everybody else.” It is a shocking and undeniable truth that strikes you in the face like a cold hard fist.

Finding out you are Autistic as an adult feels so final. Before there was more hope that I may someday outgrow some of my more eccentric traits. Now I am more aware of my unique (or not so unique) habits and needs than ever. They are inescapable.

People who knew me before discovering my Autism still see me as the same person that I’ve always been. Most of them can’t believe I’m an Aspie and are questioning and skeptical – which literally leaves me speechless and unable to explain myself.

The people who know me the best hear me out and many actually seem to find the answers to their own unanswered questions in my explanations.

I literally cannot handle confrontations with anyone. They leave me speechless. If I do not get away panic sets in, I become unable to think and may lash out verbally or cry. It is childish and shameful so I run. These are the nightmares that I may never outgrow.

Autism is so – final. When you search for Autism resources online almost every result is focused on children, but Autism is a lifelong “condition”. Autistic children grow up to become Autistic adults – so here I am finding out about my Autism as an Adult.

 

 

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26 thoughts on “Finding Out About My Autism as an Adult”

  1. I believe there needs to be more support for adults with autism. My son is approaching adulthood and I feel very alone sometimes in how to be there for him. Please see my latest blog post. Your insights as an autistic adult would be most welcome

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    1. Thank you so much! I will definitely check out your blog post. Its hard, I am able to pass as normal so there are no services for me when I go through hard times (like I am now). My stomach is a mess and sensory problems have been worse than ever this year and I am just pushing through trying to pretend everything is ok.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks you so much. Mg best advice is to help him learn that people’s opinions are their own and what they think of him does not matter. I often hurt even more my best friend’s feeling (unintentionally) because of things I miss now THAT hurts.

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    1. Honestly I would love to. Right now I think I can reach and help more people writing on my blog but will definitely think about a book in the future if I can figure out who to get it out to the public. I want to be able to help more people and for now I hope by blog does that. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am a mother of an autistic child who has hyperactivity as well. You know for every mother her kid is the love of her life. But to me, that is another thing…not just being patient with him…he is a message from God!
    He’ s learned me alot. I’ ve never considered him as disabled, but different! A child with special abilities like focus, 3-dimentional thinking and havig a memory like an elephent which leads him to a bright future!
    Such a future couldn’ t be vague. I’ m not worry about his adulthood at all !

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post! 👍 Autistic children turn into autistic adults and adults are completely ignored because people think well you’re an adult now you must have everything under control. But adulthood is the most unstructured, confusing, demanding time of your life! Autism is truly lifelong!

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  4. I’m 45 and only found out at 38. I had spent my life being treated for one wrong diagnosis after another. I found the diagnosis a relief and it provided a scaffold to start building a life on.
    But yes most Autism funding is paid to under 7 year olds, its ridiculous.

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      1. It took me until my 4th delivery (4th child) before anyone even suspected I might have sensory issues. How are you expected to judge your own senses! I now know my SPD is bad but now I know why so I can start working on it. Things get better with time and help! 🙂

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        1. Yeah – I am trying to reach out to a new specialist here in town. It is going to be $100 / hour out of pocket to see her… which nobody has… but what else do I do? I am terrified that if I don’t at least make efforts to go to a Dr, since I am missing so much work, I may get in trouble if I don’t look like I care about my health….

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  5. Ya. It’s like the world assumes that if you have autism it must have been diagnosed as a child and gotten support. It’s like if you made it this far without being diagnosed you can deal. I tried to explain my anxiety to a friend a few month’s ago and she didn’t think I seemed that anxious, and kind of wrote me off. I haven’t even tried to bring up my Asperger’s with anyone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Here is the thing – I can deal but keep having to call into work because of my sensory issues… so more than anything I need help explaining to my boss what is going in with me. I am still worried I may be in trouble for taking too many days off. I am invisible sick… so I look like I may be faking it to some people… I am too “young” to be so sick.

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