Autistic Confessions – I Avoid People

I will do my best to only get on an empty elevator and will take the stairs if there are too many people around so I can enjoy a moment of quiet. I actually enjoy exercise so stairs are often a welcome escape.

When my doorbell rings, my first instinct is always to hide. Then I creep to the door looking for the peep hole. If the person outside is not friend or family nothing can get me to answer. I hate being interrupted by unannounced people at my home, but friends and family are always welcome – it is my sanctuary.

I will never leave the bathroom stall if there is someone else inside the restroom. I will listen and wait to leave the stall until after I am sure the room is totally empty.

When wandering in public I sometimes stare down at my phone, or feet. Sometimes I allow my inner child to surface and I let my eyes dart around wildly, taking in every color and texture before me.

When I indulge in this way, I assume I must look my most Autistic. Joy overflowing as I bounce around and wave my hands excitedly. I’ve been told there is a child like joy in me, despite being almost thirty… my husband brings it out in me. We laugh, we enjoy nature, we have fun on our own, blissful in our private world.

Social situations and encounters with strangers are draining to me. I don’t take any pleasure in small talk, smiles, or eye contact with people I don’t know. In fact – every time I make eye contact with someone I don’t know or trust my heart races as my adrenal gland fires off. It is an unpleasant sensation that I can tolerate but avoid when I can.

Its not that I don’t want to be friendly to other people or to push people away. I am conserving energy so that what I have left I can enjoy with the people I love.

So yes – Autistic Confession – I avoid people, because for me that is self care.

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21 thoughts on “Autistic Confessions – I Avoid People”

  1. Honestly I can relate. My anxiety causes me to feel this way sometimes though I am an extrovert I can be this way often due to my insecurities (weight gain and chronic disorder). I then almost envision being someone else or a me from a few years ago (before the disorder began and I was at my ideal weight before steroids- prednisone) and much like your child-like wonder moments I can engage with people, crowds, the environments better and push through it. However, many times I just prefer to be home and enjoy my family, my games, and books. I’m not depressed like people think I just enjoy more intimate and quiet surroundings the older I get.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. No Problem, plus watching the world through my autistic nephew’s eyes gives me the greatest joy ever. His autism is very mild and appears to only affect him on a social level as well but he experiences a deep love for education, color, and reading. I just love watching him create things in his own little world and when he wants to he will come to me and show me or ask me to play with him other wise he wants to play by himself ‘near’ me but that is all.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. My grandson has some of those same traits as an autistic individual. I don’t normally force him to do what is uncomfortable for him, unless I believe it will help his development. Thanks for this. I have begun a series on him entitled Jonathan’s Way. I hope you can check it out.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Since following this blog, I truly appreciate your candor. My grandson is going to middle school in September and I am concerned about him making the transition, but I will keep this blog in my eyesight. Maybe I can glean some tips from you. Thanks.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, I try. Right now I feel more like I am just getting by in life. . . Walking dangerously close to the edge of a steep cliff that is a public meltdown. I do what I have to socially, but it would be a LOT less if I had my way. 😉

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  3. Thanks so much. I can relate too. We are happy for your thoughts and tho you’re not looking at us directly you are making real contact thru your writing

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thought-provoking suggestions – I am thankful for the points , Does someone know where I might be able to get a fillable a form copy to fill in ?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love that you are writing a blog to help
    people understand autism. My teenagers have two friends with autism who are also neighbors. My twin boys are musicians and we invited our autistic friends over to play music. We didn’t care that they were autistic; the boys all just wanted to play music! Because of getting together so often to play music, the boys have also done other things together, including going to the county fair. They have a great time together. It’s about understanding things like routines, comforts, and common interests. Understanding the little things, helps with the communication so everyone can hang out and have fun. Our autistic friends have brought us great joy! Thank you for writing this blog!

    Liked by 1 person

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