Laura Spoerl – How My Autism Affects Sex, and How Sex Affects My Autism – The Mighty

“Do Autistic people have sex?” Yes – we do… and sometimes we don’t. That all depends on the situation.

I don’t talk about sex much on my blog but sex happens so let’s talk about the amazing article written by Laura Spoerl contributor to one of my favorite sights – The Mighty.

Sometimes when you have sensory processing disorder sex is uncomfortable even if your partner is doing everything right. It can be hard for us to communicate with our partners about our needs and discomfort.

For me sex can be very pleasurable, painful, and intense.

I still think of it as something used for reproduction more than anything else.

I’ve got a strange relationship with my own sexuality. There have been times in my life where I was non-sexual, hyper-sexual,  sapiosexual, and bisexual. Honestly I don’t know  where my sexuality stands. I just love good people.

Although I can completely relate to what she has to say – I can take NO credit for the information below PLEASE do check out Laura’s full post HERE on The Mighty.

We are all creatures who derive satisfaction from and continuously seek out anything that feels good to us. Individuals on the spectrum are not exempt. I crave intimacy because regardless of what I may have, it’s still a natural instinct. Like flirting, if I initiate sex I’m better able to control the sensory reactions that sometimes come up for me.

Participating in flirting and sex calls us to be present in those moments. With autism it means I’m constantly analyzing it. It’s automatic and subconscious. I actually have to tell myself somewhere in my brain to stop, loosen up the rigidity, and just feel and go with the flow.

PLEASE do check out Laura’s full post HERE on The Mighty.


18 thoughts on “Laura Spoerl – How My Autism Affects Sex, and How Sex Affects My Autism – The Mighty”

  1. I really liked that post, finally someone talking about the subject of sex and intimacy with autism, and I got where she was coming from exactly. So I’m not the only one, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is lovely. I was just asked a few weeks ago if I’m able to have sex and enjoy it with all my illnesses and was actually considering writing about it myself, because it’s something I get asked tons!

    I also think that while labels for sexuality are helpful, they aren’t for much more than just learning about them. But once you do, it seems irrelevant, at least to me, and I believe sexuality is a very fluid thing. I call myself a bisexual so that people can have a neat tidy answer when I am asked, but there’s far more to it than that.

    You did a really wonderful job of explaining that!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. All my young adult life I thought bartenders were giving me free drinks while a strange man attempted inane small talk. Bartenders are so friendly! LOL Then I’d be sad no one was interested in me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I want to read something about the connection between sexual violence and the often really trusting nature . It’s obvious and I see it mentioned in one sentence in different books but there’s never anything about protecting yourself. If the only way that you know someone is trying to have sex with you is when they actually attempt to have sex with you and you are in shock and it’s like 89% of rape with someone you know, for myself I have found that to be very very dangerous and had to do PTSD recovery. Same with relationships, I don’t see red flags everyone else does. Although I get a feeling in my body that tells me something is wrong but since I can’t articulate it I feel like no one will understand. I’m realizing that my body tells me my emotions a lot better than my brain. My gut instinct is something I can feel in my body reacts differently . With serotonin mostly being there and also a whole bunch of nomological stuff from what I’ve read it is more accurate the brain. It is considered a different mind. One that doesn’t second guess. Somebody I know just found out he does have a way of knowing emotions, they are colors. But he and I both have histories with sexualized violence and also not feeling safe although I am really gregarious sometimes. With a lot of sensory processing disorder stuff looking like PTSD and with the dissociation from autism that can happen – it is making sense why almost no therapy ever helped me at all. A lot of it must’ve been sensory processing disorder and also emotional experiences were not how I was told. Processing takes longer and I have to be alone so I can feel just me.

      So where is the writing about the dangers and risks and things that happen because of the trusting innocence / immaturity. It’s frustrating to be a genius with so many things and be so much of a failure when it comes to men because I am in my own little world a lot so I don’t pick up on some things or I am hyper focusing is everything is blocked out , where is the helpful information? Time doesn’t learn how to see the red flags and books don’t either. Not when it’s me that it’s happening to. I can see it with anyone else . And I know this is one reason for isolating. I see books for women but they are not about the fact that we live in rape culture and that we are easier targets a lot of the time. That is useful information – not losing years to therapy or bad marriages or dying. Have you found anything about that?

      Liked by 1 person

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