I spend a great deal of my energy making sure my face looks happy when I am around “normal people”. My resting face looks cold and uninviting.
Before I started faking it people used to always ask if I was “alright” or “had a problem”. It took me a while to figure out that it was my face throwing people off. Eventually I made a social rule for myself – “Smile when people look at you.”
I don’t smile for myself, I smile to make others feel more comfortable so people do not have the urge to comfort me becase I never want to be comforted. I am very good at comforting myself when something is wrong.
All these little social things. So many thing to concentration on. Neurotypical people do all of these social things consciously but for me I have to make effort just to appear human because my version of human does not match society’s expectations.
People know me for being warm, happy, and positive. Maybe it is because I make so much effort to be that way in order to blend in and catch less criticism from my “normal” coworkers and peers.
My social receivers and senders are broken and do not function on their own. I don’t send or take in any non-verbal signals without great effort and concentration. No wonder Aspies suffer from social fatigue and burnout. Being social is a LOT of work.
YANA: Aspie Vlog has a great video talking about her experience with wondering about what Neurotypicals think of her characteristic “blank” Aspie face. I can take no credit for this great video. Please subscribe to the YANA: Aspie Vlog channel on YouTube for more great content.