How ‘Autism Warrior Parents’ Harm Autistic Kids – How Cure Culture Hurts

The other day I commented on one of those “Child Cured by Autism” posts on Facebook. What on earth was I thinking? The sharks appeared.

Disbelievers and angry parents who HATE Autistic aduts with the “high functioning” / Asperger’slabel. These people can not stand to see us grouped in with their children.

Things get ugly fast and I remove myself from the toxicity.

I see them on Facebook and hide them from my news feed. Memes by Autism Moms talking about how difficult being a parent of an Autistic child is. I get it parenting an Autistic child is hard – but so is parenting a typical child.

My biggest issues with these posts that these parents make the children feel like a burden they focus on the problems these parents have and are negative. Why can’t we focus on the positive parts of this child?

Focusing on someone’s deficits and shortcomings and telling them that they are defective or broken is NEVER okay – especially for a developing child.

Telling the world of your child’s “faults” via the internet is cruel.

Eventually, when your child is old enough they may desire to start speaking for themselves. This is a personal choice and should be respected.

When and if the time is right, I hope they DO grow to self advocate – we need more Aspies sharing in this world.

Adults usedto talk for me when I was a child. I believed everything they said about me – that I was stupid, rude, strange.

My parents spoke for me, often inaccurately but I never corrected them. I have never been very good at explaining my inner workings out loud.

Children should never have to grow up feeling like they are not good enough the way they are.

Autism Awareness month happens every year, but we don’t need awareness we need acceptance. We need love and understanding.

Like a flower, when nurtured, Autistic children will grow and bloom. Please don’t pour poison on your flowers.

I can take NO credit for the text below. Please check out the full article by Shannon Des Roches Rosa  HERE on The Establishment.

Autism Warrior Parents (AWPs) insist on supporting their autistic kids either by trying to cure them, or by imposing non-autistic-oriented goals on them—rather than by trying to understand how their kids are wired, and how that wiring affects their life experience. Ironically, an AWP’s choices not only interfere with their own kid’s happiness and security, but contribute to social biases that prevent autistic people of all ages from getting the supports they need. Worst of all, by publicly rejecting their own children’s autism and agency, and by tending to hog the autism spotlight, AWPs are partially responsible for the public’s tendency to sympathize with parents rather than autistic kids —which, at its most extreme, can mean excusing parents and caretakers who murder their autistic charges.

But parents who learn how to spot and sidestep AWP mindsets can make their autistic child’s life (as well as their own) so, so much easier.

Read the full article here.

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25 thoughts on “How ‘Autism Warrior Parents’ Harm Autistic Kids – How Cure Culture Hurts”

  1. I parent one NT and one autistic. They’re are hard as each other. In fact the NT is harder to parent as her expectations are so different. I would never squash a child into a template or a format. My son has long hair and I admire him speaking out when yet another person mistakes him for a girl… I am boy with long hair!

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  2. I am the parent of 4. 2 are on opposite ends of the spectrum. They have few commonalities. It is a night and day difference. It angers me that the diagnostic manual was even changed. That both are now diagnosed 299.00, autism. I’ve no doubt my son (higher functioning) will move on to an independent life. However, my daughter will always require someone to advocate on her behalf. This is why I advocate acceptance. I think it is best to just accept people as they are for who they whether or not they have a diagnosis.

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  3. So agree with this. That is why I have to shut people down when they start the sympathy route when I tell them two of my kids are autistic. Has everything been easy? No, but is anyone’s life easy really? Lol. They bring me joy every day. Wouldn’t change them a wit. The world, on the other hand….

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s true. I’m afraid to say what I really feel because I don’t want to spawn a debate. But this writing is true top to bottom. I’m an adult with add. I’ve had it my whole life, my son inherited it from me. I used to think something was wrong with me. Now I know that’s a lie. I’m pretty awesome and I’m good at a lot of things. I don’t always do or see things the way others do. And sometimes I don’t exactly go about things in the most efficient manner; however, I still thrive 😊

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  4. Out of curiosity I once asked my son, “Do you sometimes wish you didn’t have Autism?” He told me no then he wouldn’t be who he is. Perfect answer and reminds me to let him be who he is.

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  5. I have two ASD children, one on either side of the spectrum so I tend to have a pretty full perspective on autism. My son is 11 and just recently found out he has autism. We didn’t hide it but we didn’t bring it to his attention either. I was judged by other parents because I didn’t tell him early on, but honestly because of the way he is he would have worried and it would not have gone well. I think I do speak for him more that I should but I let him make his choices, or I at least explain things to him. I think he will be ok with what we have done when he is an adult. My daughter is nonverbal so for her I am her voice.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing your own perspective and stories. How old is your daughter? Do you read to her and run your fingers below the words as you read them? Even if she never speaks she may eventually be able to learn to type. 🙂

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      1. My daughter is 10 and she uses sign language, PECS and a speech tablet to communicate. She can speak about 15 words but they are not all clear but we know what they mean. When she is at home she doesn’t have a huge issue with communication because we know her and what she wants.

        She can use a tablet and knows the basics if you get her somewhere she likes but does not have the ability to turn it on and go where she wants. We are hoping she gains more skills as she gets older. She is in a great residential school and splits time between there and at home.

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  6. As an autistic person with autistic kids, professionals kind of push you into logging your child (and your) faults, the humiliation is like the price you have to pay for help. My mother couldn’t do it, pride and trying to protect us from being patronised has caused her to refuse help, I have to give her the full speech on not interfering when I’m treated like a rather backward small child by whoever we’re seeing this time. I also give the kids talks before and after about how weird NTs are and how I beleve in them but they need the help.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have three children – my eldest has Aspergers, the middle one is NT, and the little one has Down’s Syndrome. Sometimes you get lambasted by parents whose children have the same diagnosis, but not the same challenges. They say you’re presenting a false picture, basically, that you’re lying about your own life. I sometimes think their attitude has more to do with their own insecurities. I’m far from the perfect parent, but I do try to accept my kids as they are. But only once my eldest was mature enough to express how he experiences things differently did I begin to really understand how he ticks. Xx

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