My Biggest Secret – I’m Smart!

Most people who meet me have no idea. I  am a fly on the wall or a clown making jokes, deflecting from my deepest darkest secret. Nobody would ever guess, because my verbal (spoke) vocabulary is nothing particularly remarkable.

People sometimes describe me as “funny, silly, and quirky”. My coworkers describe me as “positive, friendly, warm, and kind”. Apparently the word feels as if I am a bubbly personality – they have no idea of the deep dark secret hiding within me.

Nobody knows that I am smart. I don’t run around wearing my IQ (144 SD15) on my blouse. That number is subjective.

If a cat tell’s a fish he is stupid because he cannot climb a tree he will never appreciate that the fish can breath under water – the cat cannot breath under water. The fish and the cat are different not less (as Temple Grandin said).

Most day’s I don’t feel particularly smart. I am great at problem solving, writing, and other random things, but sometimes struggle  greatly with basic life skills.

It is a frustrating enigma. People often say things like “you’re too smart for this” – I remember my mother saying this to me repeatedly through my childhood. Whenever I make a mistake it is always “because I am not trying hard enough”.

Growing up you learn that bragging does not bring you many friends and your parents beg you to stay humble so you hide your talents. Hidden under the dirt  and rocks your beauty can not shine.

My readers – you are my dear friends. Nobody knows my secret but you. Please do not spread this information around because nobody who meets me would ever believe it. 😉

Let your light glow. Do the things you love, be yourself, sing off key.

We are all smart in different ways. You cannot test a cat and a fish for the same skills.

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43 thoughts on “My Biggest Secret – I’m Smart!”

  1. Humans are funny with the games they play.
    We are supposed to work hard to get real good at something. And then we are not allowed to say that we are very good at it. If you do so, then being very good at it somehow becomes not so good any more.

    Thank god for creating humour!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. While reading your post, this saying came to my mind, “you’re too smart for your own good”. Then, I don’t know if we make mistakes because we’re “not trying hard enough”… I think we make mistakes because we’re human.

    Overall, great post and very relatable. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.
    Mark 5:15
    But, I can understand, from my personal experience, that you’ve tended to hide your intelligence in order to avoid the criticism of being boastful. I’m pleased that you’re aware of this, and you can share your “smarts” with those you choose. 144 IQ is rare.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “You’re not trying hard enough.” The number of times I’ve heard that in my life. “You have so much potential.” “Why are you limiting yourself?” The list of comments goes on and each one of them is less helpful than the last. I don’t know about you, but these never inspired me to try harder. Here’s to being smart–and doing it however the heck we want to.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Since measuring ‘smart’ began with sorting people into preset job fields decades ago, and since we don’t really do that any more (not sure about some countries), it’s difficult to know how to apply our scores. I love being able to use my scores to say I’m not a complete waste being here, since so many value beauty and talents I don’t have. At least I can read techanese and understand NEPA laws and get the logic behind OSHA and WHO. I need my IQ score for my own reassurance after such a bumbly childhood puking every time we got in the car and various screaming over other sensory overwhelming incidents. If beauty can be scored, then intellectual competency surely rates some level of importance, right?

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Some much of what you said is relatable to where I am now with my son Grey. He is SO very smart, but struggles so much with life stills. As a Mom who is new to the struggle, you get very stuck in your own little bubble, and it is SO refreshing to see this from another perspective! Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have followed your blog for a while now, Anna! I honestly love your blog and love your writing style as well as your personality! But, I had to point out the irony that this post was essentially you saying you’re smart and that there is grammar mistakes on the blog. xD #sorrynotsorry #donothateme

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, i thought it was a great example! I’m glad you found it as ironic and funny as I did! If it’s any consolation, i have a high IQ too and I spent twenty minutes today trying to remember how to spell ‘communication’

        Liked by 1 person

  8. It’s crazy how I can relate with you so much. People usually describe me about the same and I guess being social gives off the wrong message to people. Whenever I say something smart in class people are surprised of what I say. Everyone in class begins to give me the eye and look at me like I’m crazy. Apparently if you think nowadays you’re considered crazy. My moms actually a teacher who ran an IQ test on me when I was 7 since she thought I was retarded. When she got the results she thought the doctor was lying to her. Guess we’re blessed buddy. We’re different.

    Like

    1. Thank you! Yes the teachers though I was “slow” or “off” so they tested my IQ – and a million other things. This was the one number they discarded, assuming it must be a fluke. How badly they wanted me to be broken – but really I was gifted. It didn’t keep them from putting me in special education. Ick. No fun.

      Liked by 2 people

  9. I really wanted to comment on this post, since my story is similar – albeit slightly different. I had no idea about my high IQ until about 3½ years ago when I took a test in Mensa. Turned out I made the 1% group! Until then I actually thought I was average or perhaps slightly below because of all the jokes and other stuff I just didn’t get (all the social stuff aspies often struggle with).

    In my family I had the label of the “social” child (ironically) whereas my big sister was the “smart” one. We later learned that both of us secretly longed to be appreciated for the other sister’s “strong side”. What a bummer!

    Since learning that I am in fact bright, I have spent much time gaining back a feeling of self confidence and self worth. It has surprised me how habit and feelings have sometimes kept me stuck in the (false) conviction that I was somewhat stupid. My husband really helped me with this (and he was also the one who initially pointed my high intelligence out to me).

    Lastly, I feel like I must point out that giving your IQ score without stating the standard deviation (SD) actually leaves us with some uncertainty about the level (although I naturally believe it to be “a good deal above average”).
    If I have understood your persona correctly (from reading your blog posts and the comments), then you will not be insulted by my pointing this out, but rather appreciate the thoroughness of it. (Hope I’m right!!)

    For the record:
    My score is 138 on SD 15.
    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you SO much for your comments – yes I am happy for you to add. So honestly I don’t think much of even my own IQ score because these things really are subjective. Even after getting the information I never thought much about it because my mother told me that the numbers on the papers did not matter. People continued to call me stupid teachers discouraged me from attending university – so I never went. The number was burred under the fact that I let them make me believe that I was dumb. It is just a number, however I have been on a mission to embrace my strengths and finally admitting to myself that I am smart (regardless of the number – because I think my visual thinking gives me an unfair advantage on the IQ test). I am trying to build my confidence up – recovering from being shamed for the first 34 years of my life. It would be great to take the test again, actually – I took it when I was in the 7th or 8th grade. I hear your intelligence decreases as you age – I bet the score is a few points lower now. It would be interesting to see. How easy is it to have a professional give you these tests now days?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes – there are certainly uncertainties in an IQ test, and so we cannot believe the numbers just so. (This is how I understand it when you talk about these things being “subjective” – that personal aspects may affect the test and thus the score). However, from talking to my husband (who is a psychologist and is used to taking tests – also IQ tests) I have understood that thoroughness and attention to detail can give rather reliable results.
        The next thing is that IQ tests differ – some being more all-round (WEISS) and some being more logically minded (Raven).

        If you are interested in taking an IQ test again, the most affordable way is to search out Mensa in your area – they typically offer tests at regular intervals and at affordable fees. However, in Denmark where I am from, they use Raven – so if you want the more rounded version, you would probably need to see a psychologist, but having them test you is usually quite expensive.
        Note also, that preparing for an IQ test is NOT cheating! (I spell this out because I had exactly such doubts when I was about to take the test myself). Mensa (https://www.mensa.org/) even links to material (see bottom of the page) that can be used for practice. The reason that practicing is not cheating is that you cannot score higher than your IQ level’s best potential. This also means, that every time you take an IQ test you may get slightly different results, because simple factors such as having a good nights sleep and not being stressed will make you perform better, and vice versa.

        And lastly – how I can relate to the “make me believe that I was dumb”-part. I carry a necklace around (also gift from my husband :-D) with a Mensa symbol. It is small and not for showing off – it is for me; reminding myself that I am NOT stupid every time I FEEL that way. A wrecked self worth can stand in the way of even the most obvious facts… That is my experience. And it is a slow progress to build up your self worth again – and much more easy if you have good people around you to support you 🙂

        Sorry for the loooooooooong comment. I’ll stop now 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I hear you. Each time I get evaluated the first comment is, “You’re too smart to be autistic.” What if I’m smart enough to create my own “passing” behaviors, to be able to (temporarily) override my autism? FWIW my IQ generally tests between 145 and 155. The problem with scores that high (and yours as well) is that there’s an error bar, bigger on the high end than the lower end. That is, if you test at “144”, it really mans a score between 140 (close to the actual score) and 150 (higher than tested). IQ is a statistical measure and cannot be taken literally; I know you know that.

    And that “You’re not trying hard enough.” How insulting can you get? I don’t mind a correction (“You need to develop a closer rapport with your students”), but when they follow up with, “Anyone can do it” or “You’re not trying hard enough” (or even, “Stop making excuses”), that’s not a correction, it’s a value judgment.

    As with you, intellectual problem solving is easy for me; social skills, I’m shooting in the dark. I tend to copy what works for others, but that comes off as phony (as it should). It’s difficult to be yourself and be rejected for it.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Thank you for sharing. I am also extremely intelligent. But I have no ‘degrees’ so my parents don’t credit my intelligence. I can turn my hand to nearly anything and have an intuitive sense about how things work. My son’s O.T. Told me I’m a stay-at-home OT and I’m better at her profession than her! I’ve felt my way through this Autism minefield in two years and somehow earned my creds as an OT! Hahaha but I have other gifts that only I also know about. I have an extremely strong connection with ‘sixth sense’ stuff. I understand the core of someone’s essential life troubles by talking to them briefly. I don’t know how I know these things. Some people on the spectrum are termed as ‘indigo’, with talents they are just born with and understanding beyond their ages. I know now, because of my son, what I really am. I am also too going to follow my dreams next year by starting a Vlog about Simple Spirituality, which is my hidden gift. It is my biggest secret too and I’m sharing mine with you because you shared yours with us. X

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “I have an extremely strong connection with ‘sixth sense’ stuff.” Me too but in a different way. I had visions of the future and saw haunting things and felt presences as a child. My visions and dreams were always accurate – which scared my mother and scared ME more than anyone once I was old enough to see how much it freaked out adults. I wished it would stop and willed it away – with age it became less intense. Not sure how much of it I’ve still got, definitely more than most people.- Oh wow YOU pried another secret out of me. Another thing I’ve never shared with anyone. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Wow. Feels like you plucked a day of my life growing up out of my memory with this post. “You’re too smart for this”. Geez! I think I just referenced that quote in what I wrote today. And social problems….When I was younger, I drank. Excessively. It was the only way for me be social. Now I don’t drink, and I find I still have all my insecurities and uncertainties with social situations. I don’t know how to act, what to say. I’m pretty good at faking things; it’s how I’ve got through life so far. But I’m not brilliant at it. I always seem to do something wrong that throws other people off, and I don’t know what it is.

    Whenever I read your blog, I question myself. So much of what you talk about fits for me. And no matter what I do, there’s this huge HITCH in my life that shows up in so many ways, I just can’t get past it. :/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “When I was younger, I drank. Excessively. It was the only way for me be social. Now I don’t drink, and I find I still have all my insecurities and uncertainties with social situations. . . I always seem to do something wrong that throws other people off, and I don’t know what it is.” – Now it is YOU who took a page out of MY life! Thank you SO much for sharing. Also – when I truly can not get past something often that is because my mind is begging me to dig deeper. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  13. We are smart in our ways. We learn at different levels, and such. People tend to not get that for some reason. I grew up believing I was stupid as hell. Didn’t help people reminding me of it. My mom would talk about how smart I am, but never let me do the things that would showcase what she said. I think today my I.Q. is about 90 or 100. Maybe you can rub some of your I.Q. onto me, and I can figure more things out. I don’t know. You struggle, and yet, your struggles seem not so much of a struggle but a fortune at times to me. I’m humbled at this moment. I’m glad I’m following you. Thanks for the post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. That is the thing that is so polarizing that people have a hard time with. My mental profile is SO spiky. I am extremely gifted at a few things but certain things I can’t handle. Last minute schedule changes stress me out. Meltdowns when they happen are the worst and having one in public is embarrassing as hell. I hide and cry. This also happens anytime someone misleads me and sometimes if the schedule change is big enough and I feel like I am trapped and can not say no – I feel like I am drowning every time it happens. These are the disabling things I don’t talk about. I know how to recover from them but they are not under my control. People think I am being dramatic or exaggerating things but I literally can’t stop a meltdown. They have to run their course – sometimes if I get away fast enough I can help one pass quickly. I always feel worn out afterwards, like someone who has had a seizure. A smart girl crying like a child.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awe. See, I just wanna huggle you up. You and I would butt heads brutally. I’m the type, if you were having a meltdown, and I didn’t fully understand, i’d hug you, and not let go. I’d just want… need you to know you’re safe here, and it’s ok. You might go ape-crazy on me, but I’d just take it knowing you’re not in full control and hope that you feel better afterwards. That’s why I don’t go around people. I express care and they hate me for it. I hope this isn’t too off-putting for you. I just… wanted to be honest with how I felt reading your meltdown post and then this one. I hope in the long run, that maybe people can understand you, and just learn to back off. You don’t sound unreasonable at all. In fact you have been teaching things, as well as my woman, on how to open topics and such. It’s just… I hear things wrong I guess. I’m learning though. I’m trying to. You take care out there. YOU come first. Remember that. YOU have to. It’s YOUR only life.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Hi Anne,

    Yes, there are different ways to express intelligence. God gifted you with great insight and understanding. He also left some places where He and others can build into you life. It is really like having a good need and why we are not alone in the world.

    Merry Christmas,

    Gary

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Growing up you learn that bragging does not bring you many friends and your parents beg you to stay humble so you hide your talents. Hidden under the dirt and rocks your beauty can not shine.

    My mother made me have modesty lessons which was basically don’t let anyone see that you have any gifts but let them see how hard everything is for you . She regrets that so much.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Ha, I’ve relegated phrases like “you’re too smart for this” or “try harder” to the list of cliché’s spoken by those completely ignorant to my life and situation. Not to say they aren’t “smart” in their own way, but I personally judge these phrases as irrelevant and them as possibly being unqualified to comment on this situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. To be honest, when a person has an ‘invisible disability’ such as autism, I’m not sure which is worse: others not noticing your intelligence, or else noticing it (even when you consciously avoid flaunting it) and nurturing unreasonably high expectations regarding you as a result.

    Then, when the limitations imposed by your ‘invisible disability’ prevent you from meeting their unreasonable expectations, they become disillusioned, or even embittered. In their view, you consciously and deliberately refused to meet their expectations because you are lazy, careless, negligent, disobedient, passive-aggressive, insubordinate, defiant, rebellious, etc. Some may even go so far as to spitefully wage a one-sided war of retaliation against you for your perceived defiance of them.

    A lifetime of struggling desperately to meet others’ unreasonable expectations, failing to meet them, and then being viciously attacked for failing to meet them can lead to serious mental, emotional and self-esteem issues.

    Like

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