Working Full Time (Is Killing Me) – Autism at Work

Now that I know the reason for my social impairments and shortcomings, I am more accepting of my own failures.

Before I knew I was Autistic, I remember crying alone wondering why I could not just figure out the nuances of conversation. Why even when I thought I was doing everything right to have a polite conversation, people told me I still spoke out of turn and repeated myself .

The way I relate to others is somehow of-putting. I tend to ramble and turn conversations back onto myself. People think I don’t care about what they have to say but really, I’m just trying to say – “I understand.”

In fact I am also much more aware of my own failures now – this was hard on my self esteem when I was first diagnosed. Suddenly all of my flaws were illuminated, in my face, and so official.

I realized that I could not read faces, realized how much I was struggling just for timing in conversations, realized that auditory processing delays make face to face interactions stressful and overstimulating.

I was pushing myself to the point of sickness trying to keep up with the social demands of my busy work place. The things that most people find rewarding, busy events and parties, are not fun to me. I don’t want to go out and drink and I don’t feel relaxed around my coworkers.

All that fun was not in the job description and it was taking a toll on me.

Happy hours, networking events, international travel, restaurant openings, celebrities, private screenings of movies that the public can’t see yet – my job is pretty amazing.

The truth is, I rather not have all the extra perks that my job “offers”. I’ve learned that the politics are complex and if you don’t attend certain things your boss feels like you are ungrateful. I try to attend the very minimum, but even that is pushing it for me.

I am surviving in energy conservation mode. I have no social life other than the one my office creates.

I’ve stopped hanging out with my real friends because at the end of the work week I am dead. I have no energy or desire to socialize, burnt up and spent, nothing left for the people who matter most to me.

But I am living the dream right? I have my dream job and it seems to be killing me.

I need more down time than most people, and the more social I am the more down time I need. It is hard for someone running on spoons to have a full time job, but quitting is never my option.

I have gratitude for my job, because TOO many Aspies are unemployed. I am thankful every day for my very difficult and exciting job – even on the worst days.

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59 thoughts on “Working Full Time (Is Killing Me) – Autism at Work”

  1. These are limitations and challenges but I would love to hear about your strengths and resilience. I know that you have great fortitude and drive. Going on disability and working 20 hours is an option but give yourself credit for being self sufficient right now. Maybe letting your employer know your special needs would help engage them in your process and provide accommodations. You would be a pioneer, a role model for all of the autistic kids coming up. You can get letters to support your needs from mental health professionals and physicians. Good luck in whatever you decide. Perhaps a short term LOA would help?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much. I don’t plan to give up any time soon. I am pausing though. Plus nobody would eve believe I deserved disability, my IQ is too high. I am “Too High Functioning for supports”. This is something I don’t like to focus because it is extremely frustrating. Ever been told “you’re too smart for this?” well that is me and my supports. I spent over 1000 with mental health providers using my own money because insurance won’t pay for it either. So I started a blog – hoping to educate in a way that I am much more skilled. Blog doesn’t make me money but it helps me relax.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. That’s true. I think it is disgusting that some services discriminate against higher IQ. I can see if it is a service that exclusively focuses on individuals more severely impaired executive functioning, but that seems to be the vast majority of the programs in my area. My IQ did not spare me the severe limitations of my SPD.

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          1. My 156 IQ didn’t stop me from getting disability but I was misdiagnosed as bipolar and the drugs made me unable to function. Strange I functioned better before and the mote drugs they gave the less able I was to work. The Making of an Epidemic goes into the weird politics that has created a huge mental health epidemic during the time when we supposedly have the medication to “fix” mental illness, which is strange since there’s still not ONE study that proves biochemistry is connected to mental illness. The drugs did screw up my biochemistry though.

            But I had to learn to “act crazy” to get the smallest amount of help. The backlash against being strong and intelligent and especially articulate about what’s going on with you sucks. I always felt like being the strong one meant I was punished. It’s still hard for people online to understand I have Lyme disease and babesiosis/malaria and my cognition and emotions aren’t in my control. They can believe I can’t control fainting, seizures and vomiting, but not the other ones because I can stsy articulate unfortunately when the parasites and bacteria are causing neurological problems. So I live in fear of communication more than ever.

            It’s about getting a secondary diagnosis with many disorders. Getting on disability for depression and anxiety disorders is easier. You just need to make sure you’ve complained to a shrink enough and not let yourself be smart or strong and resilient. Call when you’re in a meltdown. Leave VM at 3 am about being terrified by the social event tomorrow. Ask them is this living? Show up at the E/R in a total meltdown. Make every part of how hard it is to be high functioning as in the shrinks face as possible. Take a leave of absence for health reasons. Be hospitalized (research in advance, some are quite lovely, usually it’s just boring, but it’s normally quiet, no one will call you, pop over and you can forget email, the lights go low, and you can just chill out. It’s really hard to get into psych wards these days so you have fight for it. Most want you out in a few days and almost no insurance will do a week, it was a nice place to go in a meltdown) – then apply for SSI or SSDI. Your doctor and the hospital records are what show you can’t function. If you have a psych interview get rid of everything you do to pass. Go in your PJs, don’t try eye contact or any skills you’ve learned and ask that they turn down the lights. Wear your sunglasses and hat, complain about the noise and form. No faking being NT.

            You’ll probably be rejected once – it’s like a hoop they do to see how committed you are (sarcasm). You appeal. And you get the money from when you applied, so if you applied a year ago, you’ll get that money.

            Being believed if you can express yourself is hard.

            Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Anna,
        I can definitely relate to you with The “Your too High functioning”. I’ve had somebody say to me once “You’re only a little bit on the spectrum.” but the truth is, even though a high functioning autistic person might be a little bit on the spectrum, it’s still hard to deal with things. The anxiety, the sensory issues, the socializing difficulties, etc.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Yes, I have done that a lot. I was in overload once and I didn’t want to tell my friend and so I got increasingly overloaded and then I was super tired (sleepy) afterwards. I felt like I was going to fall over. 😦 I endured sensory overload for 2 hours.

            Liked by 1 person

          2. I don’t know. For me, I think it’s fear of judgement or reaction. I can totally relate to the adrenaline and the anxiety. It makes me soooooo tired when I have to hold it all together. 😦 We need more people to understand that when we are in overload we need help. And there also needs to be more sensory friendly events for both autistic children and adults. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

      2. I took an online IQ test, and scored 127. I described the test to the psychologist who diagnosed me with Asperger’s; she told me that was the official IQ test, and I could rely on the results (which she said was “…just slightly above average”, but average is 100, and 135 is supposed to be brilliant). The same psychologist also told me she wasn’t telling me what to do, but I could apply for disability.

        Disability won’t give me disability insurance; my job history is too good. I haven’t worked in over 7 months, and didn’t work all that much last year either. I got up to the 6 figure level in the 90s, and was still earning a high income in the early part of the 21st Century; I think this is what the disability office is considering a disqualification.

        I took early retirement, but that’s costing me $400/month compared to what I would’ve been getting if I could’ve waited a few years to retire.

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        1. Thank you so much for sharing – see this is unfortunate. I am “high functioning” until I crash and then suddenly I am not. Even the Autism level one diagnosis says “with supports” but I don’t feel entitled to anything. It would be AMAZING to have help though. For now my husband is my support. I’m doing alright – for now.

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          1. Me too; “high functioning”. I saw an autism specialist too see if there was a quick fix to getting along on the job. The specialist re-diagnosed me as having HFA, but said there was nothing she could do to help me socially on the job.

            Liked by 1 person

      3. I heard that there is a way to get paid blogging. My psychiatrist told me about it. Something to do with advertisers paying you. I didn’t get into it further, because I get benefits and if I began earning just a little bit of money, I’d lose them. If you have a psychiatrist, maybe ask them about what to do next. It’s too bad you can’t work part time. I will pray things improve for you.

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  2. Well, you’ve done it again, Anna — Looking back over my corporate career I recognize some of these same dynamics. It was just enough that I knew I didn’t fit in and I didn’t know why or how. I quit and went freelance working from home years ago, and I’ve since retired, but this blog is such a help.

    I just thought — well, I don’t know, but I had such a hard time just trying to figure out how to be, and feeling awful because I couldn’t figure things out, even though I’ve got a pretty high IQ — if I’m so smart, then why… (fill in the blank)? You’re giving me so much understanding that I didn’t even know was possible. Like Oh, it’s not just me, this is a thing? Helps my self acceptance so much. Better late than never, for sure!

    Thanks.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. People don’t understand the shame and embarrassment and lack of self worth that goes along with even “little traces of autistic tendencies.” Having this validated whether through a diagnosis or through someone sharing so deeply and honestly makes a huge difference. It’s like a weight of not being good enough, of something’s wrong with me being lifted off suddenly. There’s nothing wrong with us. It’s just one way people are… well, human. What a relief. Lots more to learn, don’t stop, Anna.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I want to cry for you. Life is hell. It doesn’t need to be. You’re forced to do things you don’t want to do, to have the financial life you need to live very comfortably in your home, but not clearly not in your skin. Do I feel sorry for you? NO WAY. Why, because I don’t regret your life. I’m glad that you have the job of your dreams, and yet, what bothers me most is that you are ignored to the point of “do as expected, not what is best.” To me, no job is worth losing actual friends. Friend, actual friends are damn difficult to come by. I know. I wish you could talk to your boss and explain yourself, but if you do, you might get fired. Fired for being alive. It’s… angering actually. It’s like you’re qualified from skill, but personally, you’re rejected. I know I’m over-complicated and I do the same things you do. I turn conversations onto myself to express that I understand, and that I, like others, may have gone through similar things. It’s a hard balance that I’ll never master. How can I, show interest in this person, and at the same time, express to her/him that I am a sentient being without losing their attention or coming across like a self-interested jerk? Still, I want to hug you. You suffer a ton for something so simple. You are sacrificing a ton, and how often are you thanked for that sacrifice? I’d thank you. I’d thank you and help you get your life back. You work to have a good life, not to make the life of your boss better. OK, I’m done ranting/explaining myself. Thank you for reading.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I teared up reading this. Thank you – you flatter me today! ❤ “It’s like you’re qualified from skill, but personally, you’re rejected.” – yes. I actually have a friend in HR she was listing the things they look for in a candidate and culture fit is REALLY important where I work. . . basically the list is a bunch of traits that are the opposite if an autistic person, myself included – that is just the personality side of what they look for. The tech side I have no problem with and I interviews well because I used to interview people. It hurt to hear that basically they want the opposite of me in most of the positions they hire for. Although these roles ARE ones that require peoples skills – my role is a bit unique and keeps me at a desk most of the time (THANK GOODNESS)! Its hard because everyone is so kind to me and it’s been mentioned that I don’t try hard enough to bond with the group. I can’t do it and the pressure is rising.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I understand you. I don’t like being around people. It’s odd. I love working in a group that has their head on their shoulders, and yet, when it’s over, I’m drained, and want to be alone for a day or so. I think, maybe you can explain to some of the people, what your situation is, and that you don’t dislike them, but you came to work to work, and not meet people – considering you know enough people and have your limits. Maybe they will listen to you. Maybe they won’t take it personally; like saying “no” when asked for your last pen. Maybe ask someone you trust how things may go if you gave it a try. At all costs, you have to make your only life as comfortable as you can. They will take your life for granted. There is no need for you to join them against you.

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  4. You may be more “normal” than you think. I’m not aspie, but I hate office parties and socializing after work. I’d rather be with friends than coworkers. In fact, for most of my life, a good book was better than coworkers. Being a good listener is more important than injecting words into a conversation. “Failure” is subjective; you may be a bit hard on yourself.

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  5. I can so relate to this! Working in a school I can’t work from home and I’m at the stage where I’m thinking about going into teaching but I’m too scared my autism will make me incapable though many don’t understand this fear I have because I’m ‘too high functioning’ at the cost of my energy levels and mental health.

    I fear for my work future but am comforted to know that it is not just me. And I’m so grateful for work in the first place!

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  6. I remember the struggle. I ran a classroom and had to tell others what to do and schmooze with fellow teachers and parents. I had to feel up no matter what, because kids don’t care if you are having a bad day…and I had no clue about my autism then! I give you major kudos for your resilency and ability to see the bright side even when things are beyond hard. Looking at myself now, I wonder if I could jump back into the workforce. Keep on keeping on, my friend. Here’s hoping the more we share the more enlightened the rest of the world can become.

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  7. I could not even handle part time as a teenager. I only worked 2 part time jobs after high-school, one was from home and the other was at someone else’s. My body is constantly humming with anxiety, so I burn out quickly. To reach the point where you are ill reflects the selfishness of the people working there. If they don’t know you are autistic and you aren’t ready to reveal that you are, maybe tell a few that are nice about generalized anxiety disorder and that you care for others, but you care for yourself as well, and that means saying “NO” sometimes. If they are too selfish and unfeeling to understand, that’s THEIR problem. The self-entitlement in this country is disgusting. For what it is worth, Merry Christmas. Keep blogging!

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  8. I very much understand. Sorry if I seemed bitchy last week. Being editor of a book means dealing with all of these people having issues with other people and then they attack me. It really has reminded me of what I am good at and what I am not good at. I had my first shutdown. Of course malaria was really bad and I was coming out of a serious chemical exposure but having someone who knew nothing about my decades of activism call me a racist because a complete obsession with having to make sure they knew all of this stuff because I still in my head thought they were logical. But they had already decided somebody in the book was transphobic even though I said that person has written three books with a transgendered activist and kicked out of her religious community of being friends with transgendered people so I’m going to say she’s not transphobic. And the response was ” I don’t care, I still think she must be transphobic.”

    I literally lost the ability to form sentences . That was so bad that the doctors that had a stroke. I’m much more aware of what my problems are with communicating with NeuroTypicals. It’s like it’s highlighted and I feel somehow more stress because of knowing. So what you wrote in the beginning is like what I’m experiencing . There’s the excitement of knowing I’m not alone and also seeing what a giant gap there is between me and NeuroTypicals but it’s also staring in the face showing me I really don’t know . I really don’t understand. I don’t understand emotional logic and I don’t understand pettiness but it was incredibly damaging for my health.

    I actually was put on disability because I got almost every job ever applied for and then within a year I would start suffering from Agoura phobia – without panic attacks which is not supposed to happen. I would cry in bathrooms, stress eat, pick off my skin. As a journalist working freelance it was magical. Wake up at two in the morning and do two hours of writing the back to bed wake up and proofread and then email to the editor at some magazine or newspaper . It gets accepted and in two weeks $500 comes. Being a freelance writer was really fun and it fit my life completely. But then I thought it made more sense to be an employee of the best newspaper. Hundreds of desks not even separated by cubicles. Florescent lighting . Your desk pushed against a dozen others. The sound of typing, phone calls, telephones ringing, people running by , machines going . Plus the chemicals of the photo copy machine and the fashion department checking out the new makeup and body care products . Also I was the fastest writer they had ever had so once you have done an article in two hours I realized I had to spend five hours just there. What is the point of that?

    That was my dream job, the year I made the most money and had the most fame – and my doctor put me on disability. This was in Canada so the process is somewhat different . But she said it was not fair to employers to hire me because of me having an excellent resume except by the one year point I have to go – I literally have to get out of there or I’m going to scream.

    And there is from what I remember no real social life .

    Living on disability sucks – in the United States I get $700 a month and $200 in food stamps and because I’ve been on disability for three years I now qualify for Medicaid but I would not have been normally. There’s no way to live on disability. The subsidized housing doesn’t work with MCS. So it is really scary.

    What’s kind of strange is when I was being carbon monoxide poisoning at low levels along with a bunch of other chemicals that gave me severe MCS I remember crying and praying that human beings all would have a restraining order. I would have to get visas and have background checks before meeting me. That was when I would spend three until six in the morning to matter what the weather outside paying attention.

    Now I can’t be with what makes me feel safe and connected.

    But I’m sorry if I was short during the last couple of weeks . I don’t know how to do the Internet because without any “real life” what people online say can be absolutely devastating because there’s nobody else. I don’t understand why autistic people say they really like making friends online because how do you know if they’re your friend? There’s no way to know anything about them. If you have assumption everyone is good like I do hardwired into you it’s really difficult . Approaching strangers was really scary and I started having anxiety attacks just thinking about emailing people again maybe who said yes but had to make a correction on something.

    I’m also aware that my having MCS so severely but having been autistic since birth as well as the mild MCS I keep reading about and hearing about from autistic people – this is going to lose me whatever standing I have it all with people and environmental illness. I know this is really long . I wanted to send you an email but I couldn’t remember if that’s possible. Just because your blog really has been the number one helpful thing in all of this.

    With so many people including myself being told that pollution is the cause of autism and some of the doctors who have really helped me a lot with MCS also do a lot of work with children who are autistic. I know that statistics if you are pregnant and live next to a busy freeway your chance of having a autistic child goes up by 50%. But I’m now thinking that they mean low functioning autistic child . The child would’ve always been autistic. But because people don’t know that two thirds of people who are autistic have jobs etc. we hear autistic and it means the person has a incredibly hard time far beyond what I go through myself. Or did before MCS .

    Again it’s a situation I’m familiar with that one kind of identity will be not excepted by another identity group. So the odds for real community keep getting slimmer and slimmer. My theory is that with NeuroDiversity there comes an increased chance of having hypersensitivies. The olfactory gland goes straight to the brain unlike the other senses . If we have hypersensitivity to a lot of stimuli why not chemicals? And like a lot of things that would not cause problems 100 years ago with sensory processing disorder chemicals would be among them. So is the “low functioning” because of chemicals, florescent lighting, exposure to ar more humans ever expected, a pase of living that is unheard of, same thing with dyslexia and dyscalculia – when did people have the evolutionary for those kinds of skills? With ADHD – sitting still for eight hours looking in one direction and going by the rhythm of a buzzer – the way school is set up created to prepare people for factory work. There’s nothing normal about this society . There’s nothing that goes with evolution.

    But it’s going to be autism that I will always have to choose as my primary identity because no matter what else I may have in common with someone how I think is very different . And it’s always been my number one stressor . When they kept focusing on PTSD not knowing about the sensory processing disorder I said my trigger was human beings. There was no way to narrow it down. I’ve had nightmares of being on trial since I was two years old trying to explain myself.

    I’m really grateful to know that there are others of us and I am also really sad that we are being forced by the culture of the individual to be “well-rounded” when many of us have specific gifts and we know ourselves . When I work with someone I always let them know I generate ideas, I create materials and if you give me instructions of what you need I will get that done. But beyond that especially dealing with other human beings do not expect me to be good at it. In fact it will harm me and I will leave. People don’t believe it. I’m so high functioning with what I am good at what they think I can learn . My ex-husband thought that he could teach me how to drive even though I kept telling him I cannot learn that. I didn’t know I had dyspraxia or sensory processing disorder yet – I just knew that I couldn’t remember what was the breaker or the gas.

    But there’s a lot of people who assume that I can learn things because I’m smart in other ways . I’m really good in a crisis and I’m really good with people in a crisis but put me at a party and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

    This was what rescued me socially. Reading tarot cards. If you show up at a party with cards and you know how to read them, you will be able to stim shuffling them as much as you need. Everyone will want to be your friend but you don’t have to make any sort of Smalltalk. They just want to hear about themselves. You will be taken to a quieter room that you can make darker and now it is one-on-one because you can tell people it’s private information . And you can just keep shuffling . Then you leave and people like you and some of them want to be your friend and if they don’t just want someone to pay attention to them 24 seven and you actually have something in common it works out really well. There is no real interaction. And because you have spooky psychic girl image in their mind anything you do strangely somehow is connected to that. So the fact that you cannot go out things with them is not weird, it’s you as an indigo child or highly sensitive person or whatever they choose. It’s also why I cannot drive – for some reason that will make sense to them.

    I don’t know if there’s anywhere that people share solutions but until I found that I would hide on during parties in a really bad mood. That’s where I found my first boyfriend LOL! Also on the roof in a bad mood hiding from the party. So you can find love hiding from parties 🙂

    But it’s really helpful for me to know that when you really were aware of being autistic and what that means, you were a lot more sensitive of communication issues. Communication was where I was just a three on the Aspie graph. Everything else was a five to the very edge for four and a 1/2.

    Also I wanted to let you know that because of the book you recommended I am really horrified with Google. And so friend and I began looking for a not multinational corporation company for email that does not sell or give our information to businesses or the government. We found one that has everything Google does plus more in Switzerland owned by two people. Your email is even encrypted so nobody can sneak in on you. But what’s the bonus is they have 100% recycled energy , 100% CO2 emissions offset, donate 1% of their profits to Greenpeace , WWF etc , everything is based in Geneva and they invest through Nest, which means no GMOs, no weapons, no child labor, no nuclear.

    Even though Gmail is free and this is two dollars a month for five addresses (all of which can have aliases if you need them for different projects ) , Google is part of eugenics trying to make sure we don’t exist . I can’t let them make money off of selling my personal information and that of the people who email me. Even though it’s free it’s not free because they make so much money off of us. Ever since I read that book and the person talked about not using Google for advertising I thought about it and realized even though it’s free we are still making a lot of money for Google who are against us existing. So the name of the company is Infomaniak, they have great customer service from my experiences and speak a lot of different languages and over 1 million people use them for email and they’re mostly used by businesses and organizations so they have tons of other options beyond just email.

    I wondered if you read my blog essay about sex, autism , rape, sensory processing disorder ? I captivating that it is a taboo topic so I figured why not start there. Just going back through the men I’ve known I didn’t expect it to b comparing NeuroTypical and NeuroDivergant men actually. But there are pretty big differences from my limited experience. But I also want to see materials to help all genders who are NeuroDivergant to be prepared and somehow safer when it comes to rape. Because it’s not just women – half of the autistic men I know have been raped by much older somewhat insane women.

    Are there any online places that you feel safe where people can talk about things autistic? Like sharing what they have learned living with it and also ways for coping and keeping your self-esteem and being able to do the same? Plus ask if other people have experienced certain things ? Then I will not have to leave you epic emails 🙂

    You really have changed my life and I wanted to send you an Amazon gift card or something . Do you have a donation box on your blog somewhere ? My vision is very blurry from the babesiosis.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Heather, the ultimate e-mail solution is to host your own e-mail server. I used to send all my e-mail from hMailServer; a freeware e-mail server. My ISP blocks port 25, so I had to send my e-mail through port 2525 to an e-mail relay service that received e-mail on port 2525 and relayed it on port 25. The smart server (e-mail relay service) still gets to regulate your e-mail, but you can bypass that by getting a business internet service (if you have the cash to spare). A business internet service doesn’t block port 25, supplies you with a static IP address, and sets the PTR record for your e-mail to your own domain; i.e., a reverse lookup on your e-mail will always show your own domain, so no program like Spam Assassin will ever block your e-mail. Since port 25 isn’t blocked, a business internet account will let you receive e-mail on hMailServer (or the server of your choice), too.

      I’m OK with GMail, but I don’t like the way Google perverts their searches by allowing different domains to pay more for a better search ranking. If you don’t like being tracked by a search engine, there’s always duckduckgo.com (which is what I use – most of the time).

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks. I have no idea what any of that means LOL. I don’t want to give money to Google who are now censoring progressive media (Facebook as well will not ALLOW sharing links from media like Truthout and WikiLeaks related media and some African-American media; both now have a long list of alternative media they now censor) and do the eugenics hosting against autism. I can’t afford to own a server but Infomaniak has three and they don’t use air conditioning! It’s all encrypted and Swiss law doesn’t allow giving any info to anyone includes US government. As someone who has severe MCS the 100% renewable energy, 100% carbon dioxide emissions offestting, money to Greenpeace and no money invested into nukes, weapons, etc matters a lot.

        I love DuckDuckGo.

        I was going to go with Rise Up for email but being so ill with malaria and Lyme I’m half conscious and the amount of work to do and no way to recover a lost password is a problem. But if I was in Egypt and needed to get access to what the nation wouldn’t allow RiseUp is perfect as it will register me as being in France or USA or somewhere else.

        I don’t like any multinational corporation stealing my friends personal info in emails to me.

        Can you look at Infomaniak since you know about techy stuff and I’m to sick to speak and let me know what you think? I usually go to hackactist Jeremy Hammond who is doing ten years prison due to whistleblowing – he started the training site Hack this Site and was the FBI’s #1 computer genius to get. Now it’s Lauri Love. But Jeremy doesn’t get all his mail and is kept in solitary confinement confinement a lot. So the answers can take a while.

        If you have a moment to look at Infomaniak I’d be grateful. RiseUp now needs you to have two other users to vouch you’re not a spammer and I am so exhausted I don’t email many people although in my prison work everyone uses RiseUp but I’m not that close. There’s a similar one in Switzerland too but it’s in beta.

        My goal is to divest from multinational corporations, keep our personal info safe during this time especially from government spying, and support private business that shares my ecological and anti-war values while having everything Google has user friendly.

        Many friends have their own email domains but they don’t own the physical server and that it’s never touched by anyone not in Geneva with the owner, all technology is inside computer development hardware and software, everything is encrypted from the beginning to end. So are you saying you can own your own physical server?

        I am totally lo tech LOL. I often get rid of everything online and write letters and phone places to place orders but being 100% confined to one room and ink intolerant sadly i need the internet. 😦

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Heather, the term server is overused (overloaded); I was referring to software. You don’t even have to have your own domain to send from your own (software) e-mail server. However, if the sender’s domain doesn’t match the “From” domain, your e-mail will end up in the recipient’s spam box. I stopped sending from my own e-mail server, but I still use my own domain name.

          I’ll check out Infomaniak and let you know what I think.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thank you so much! With brain fog from Lyme and malaria, it’s even harder for me to understand all the technology terms. I can’t leave this room or have visitors so finding people who know about this stuff is really hard. (One reason write people in prison, they’re usually more kind and helpful. But snail mail takes a long time with prisons.) It means a lot to me that you took the time to explain. And to look at Infomaniak.

            Is there an easy for nontechy people place to read what the terms all mean and how it works?

            Google, Facebook and Twitter are united now to censor alternative news sources… getting out of it is my goal.

            Like

    2. Hello lovely – thank you SO much for sharing all that valuable information.. so for one of your questions – “Are there any online places that you feel safe where people can talk about things autistic? Like sharing what they have learned living with it and also ways for coping and keeping your self-esteem and being able to do the same? Plus ask if other people have experienced certain things ?” – YES! My blog. I really love my readers and YOU have given me a lot of help. You all do – I don’t think you realize.

      So I actually don’t have any way people can send me things. It never occurred to me that people would WANT to send me things. I may have to look into this in the long run but I am not sure how to keep it “anonymous” / not tied to my legal name. I am overly paranoid about that. More than anything I appreciate your time and thoughts. – can you link me the blog you mentioned? I would love to read it. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. https://www.infomaniak.com/en/hosting/e-mail

        Is there a web group where we have threads going about topics so we talk to other autistic people? Post we’re melting down and get a emoticon? Where we can socialize? Have profiles about special interests. Dave helped me with understanding a server. There’s these sorta private Facebook things for radical mental health (Icarus Project) and for MCS (Planet Thrive) there has to be for autistic people – didn’t we build the internet? : )

        Like

        1. Heather, take a look at http://www.dummies.com/computers/operating-systems/windows-xp-vista/how-e-mail-works/ it gives a description how SMTP and POP servers (the send and receive servers for e-mail) work. I found the dummies page by doing a search (I did not use Google), which also came up with http://www.dynamicwebs.com.au/tutorials/email.htm That was E-mail for Beginners: Part 1, but there is also a link on that page to Part 2, Part 3, etc. In any field you get into you want to be well grounded into the basics of it, otherwise things get unclear as you try to get further into it.

          I just took a look at infomaniak.com, they look good. yandex.ru is a free service (and you don’t have to know too much Russian to use it) and they’re really good at keeping spam out of your inbox. I still have a yahoo account, but they’re the worst when it comes to getting spammed; I should probably delete it.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. And Dave rocks! I have a file of instructions for the Internet and other computer things. So these are incredibly helpful. Thanks for also checking out Infomaniak. I have to say that this is the only blog I’ve ever found where people are actually nice to each other ! In the comments. So thank you Dave for making me have a lot more hope and happiness about other human beings 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

  9. The holidays are stressful for everyone.
    I apologize if I’m not posting under the correct article, I don’t post, ever, but you have touched my heart.
    I came accross your blog when you wrote about “brushing your teeth”. My grandson is almost 12, HATES brushing his teeth and that will never change. Reading your story made me smile, yes smile, the process for just brushing his teeth, I thought no one would understand.
    He was diagnosed very early, about 4, with aspergers. The beginnig is better explained below in a post from my daughters personal Face book. I/m sharing this for a reason.

    She wrote this about 2 years ago, he was 10.

    Today marks a special day in my heart. My world was rocked six years ago when I was explaining to the pediatrician all of my son’s quirks. Why did he tighten his belt so tight it left marks? Why does he insist his shoes be so tight it cuts off his circulation? Why does he cover himself in pillows and blankets? Why does he scream in theaters? Why when we go to restaurants he crawls in the fetal position? Why does he stack and line up everything? Why does he cry when Papa sneezes? Why, why, why??? When the doctor mentioned Autism, I laughed. Seriously??? My classroom is full of children with Autism, I would know if my own child had it. When he got diagnosed, I cried.
    I’am very fortunate that it is Asperger’s and it could be so much worse. But for years we have spent afternoons at the occupational therapist’s, the psychiatrist’s, the neurologist’s (he has a tic as well), social skills and the pediatrician’s. Every week, hours and hours of therapy. Everyday he grew and today (like every other day) he is amazing. His social skills are improving and he acts more and more “typical” everyday. If it wasn’t for the pediatrician, who knows where we would be today. He amazes me with all the little things he does; especially when he stands proud while he tells people his diagnosis. He can examine his quirks, his tic, his idiosyncrasies and look at you straight in the eye and tell you that’s just how it’s gonna be. He is my child and I wouldn’t change a thing! He is my (name)!

    He was lucky to be diagnosed by a pediatrician that recognized his behavior and a mother who through her tears found the people to help. I’am not saying that the progress has been easy. Both “cheers & tears” through the years.
    So what happens when someone is diagnosed as a teen or young adult? Are the professionals as easy to find that can help?
    What will happen when my grandson is in college and finds himself in need of some professional help? Will he be able find someone to help with the skills needed as a young adult?
    Please find the professionals (note plural, professionals) that can help you navigate the work place and share your story. Unfortunately, the world you live in is not going to change. You can help others with your journey, don’t give up, ever. Everyone with or without Autism needs help in their lifetime, your help may just be different than mine. Professionals with experience helping Aspergers Patients can help you discover tools that will help in social situations. Is it easy to find those professionals as a young adult, maybe not, but worth the hunt? I also don’t think just one professional is the answer. A psychiatrist that may be needed and perhaps someone specializing in social skills are different. Consider the possibilities.

    Family and friends are hard work for everyone, PLEASE do not give up on friends, they are so hard to find, do the work to keep them. Call them. Perhaps the next “function” at work take that friend, tell them why you are taking them, people in general want to help, they just don’t know how.

    You are a gifted writer sharing her world with those that truly know what your are going through, grateful they are not alone, and those of us who love someone and just need help “understanding” the world they live in.
    You make a difference. I wish you knew how thankful I am to you for sharing your story and helping me understand your world.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. My wife has just given up working full time and is taking a break from any work after having to pretend to fit in for the last 45 years she’s burnt out. I’m afraid us NTs just aren’t very good at making reasonable adjustments for people, despite claiming that we are. 😞

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s a really loving thing to say. 75% of men leave if their wife becomes ill, especially with cancer. It means a lot to me to see men supporting their wives like this. You give me hope.

      Liked by 2 people

  11. My biggest flaw is coming to work on time, no matter how hard I try I never seem to make it there when i need to. Thankfully my bosses and co-workers haven’t said anything (yet) but I am hoping to solve that problem.
    Please know that there are people like you out there who are struggling with you. You are not alone in your strife.

    Liked by 1 person

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