Autistic Confessions – I Don’t Want To Rock & Roll All Night

I have a hard time making connections with people through face to face interactions. Something inside me doesn’t allow me to bond to people partially – I have close friends (very few), colleagues (people who think they know me), and strangers.

There are no shades of grey with me. Things are black and white most of the time.

I am friendly with everyone but unless you earn your way into my inner circle I will keep you at a distance. Most people have lost interest in any type of relationship by the time I’ve come to my decision about weather someone is trustworthy or not.

Being unable to read body language and faces puts me at a disadvantage in social situations and makes it harder for me to get a feel for people. I’m painfully aware of this disability and it has made me overly cautious, because people have taken advantage of my  naivety in the past.

Face to face interactions with people can be very draining for me, even when in the company of good friends. Too many people in one room can be disorienting. I can’t function in an overly busy environment. It’s hard to filter out all the voices.

I don’t care for alcohol and parties with bumping bass music and throbbing lights leave me wanting to run like a rodent in the night.

These are the things my peers bond over and enjoy – these are the things I want to avoid.

I don’t want to rock and roll all night or party every day.




17 thoughts on “Autistic Confessions – I Don’t Want To Rock & Roll All Night”

  1. I’m exactly like this. I only have two friends who I truly trust & they’re nothing short of amazing. I heard you attract who you are so if your circle is amazing then that must say something about you. Others who weren’t so patient with me didn’t turn out to be anything special anyway. Their loss.
    The partying & loud music would always put me off eating or drinking, if there was any food. The vibrations would just override my hunger. Lol.

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  2. Don’t worry too much. Just know that no matter what happens, people will say, “whatever” and move on. People only care about who agrees with them. So don’t worry about reading people. They can’t read themselves. They talk about what they LOVE so much but don’t act like they at least like it. They talk about what they HATE, but never research why they hate it. You’re FINE. Keep the distance and save your sanity.

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  3. I wish I some kind of comfort or support I could give you but I just keep finding myself relating to your post and your feelings. I am a huge introvert, never been able to make friends and my only friend is my husband. Whom I still need gobs of time alone from. I have yet to find someone I can call friend, let alone pull into my inner circle. It leaves me discouraged with people, yet I still enjoy being home, alone with the dogs, where I am free to be myself. With no judgement or criticism.

    Most people are real friends anyways. There are only a few special people who come into your life and really matter, most are temporary. The ones that really love you, will make the time to be with you and let you be who you are no matter what. Those are the ones worth keeping.

    Wishing you a quiet New Years Eve. 🙂

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  4. Anna, you drive us wild, we’ll drive you crazy. You keep on shouting, you keep on shouting.

    On a more serious note, I can relate to, “There are no shades of grey with me. Things are black and white most of the time.”. A while back you posted the DSM criteria for autism, but not all autistics have all of the “traits” listed as the criteria for autism. …but having worked in programming for years, I can tell you that all programmers think in black and white; Aristotelian logic (two value logic). Maybe Aristotelian logic should be called Autistic Logic.

    Do you feel like we do?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. When it comes to people, I have found quality is the only thing. Forget quantity. I can’t stand the din and dither of group anything. Loud noises and conversations sounding like several radio stations playing all at once. Flashing lights are obnoxious and disorienting. I would love to know what a sensory friendly gathering, for adults, would look like. Kids and dogs, for me, are also way too much, all at once.
    Did your autism symptoms worsen in your teens? I would love to see an article or study that says something about autism symptoms worsening in teen years.
    A blessed and sane 2017 to you, Anna. Your post is one of a handful of helpful autism blogs I found in 2016.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve never really been to BIG parties before, I mostly avoid parties/dinners if at all possible. My auditory sensitivity makes it hard to cope with all the people talking (noisy) and I feel overwhelmed by the amount of people that are usually in a party. I also have food selectivity, which makes tolerating foods outside of home hard. 😦 I also can get overstimulated by people moving around a lot. I can totally relate to how you feel at parties.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I hear you!

    On Fri, Dec 30, 2016 at 1:30 AM, Anonymously Autistic wrote:

    > anonymouslyautistic posted: “I have a hard time making connections with > people through face to face interactions. Something inside me doesn’t allow > me to bond to people partially – I have close friends (very few), > colleagues (people who think they know me), and strangers. There are ” >

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My sensory symptoms are much less of a problem and is an issue with some food intolerance in the form of taste and texture. Therefore crowds, lights, and sounds do not bother me.

    I have wondered if I do black and white thinking, but am having difficulty understanding what that is. Recently I was told I am opinionated and wonder if that is a form of black and white thinking.

    The social issue that disconnects me from most people is my limited ability for conversation. My brain does not give me much to talk about so I am considered boring. I am quite good at reading faces and body language and because of that prefer to talk face to face than over the phone to fully understand a conversation. Through my autism research I have found there are people who can write quite well but have no or limited speech. Even writing thoughts are hard for me. My brain seems to be empty at times even though I have above average IQ. There are times my only thoughts are what my senses are picking up on which are externally initiated and not from inside my mind. Is lack of thoughts an issue for you?

    Liked by 1 person

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