Taking The Easy Route – A Poem About Invisible Illness

How dare you say I’m taking the easy route

When you have no idea what I’m going through

You tell me I’m not trying

But this is all I’ve got

Sometimes just doing normal things

Takes up all my energy

There are days when normal life experiences

Make me physically ill

Work a little harder you say

I keep pushing

Pushing myself to exhaustion

Just trying to keep up

You’re not stupid – you say

Trying to pay me a compliment

Look it’s not that hard

This is all you do

But for me it is difficult

You make these things look easy

and can’t understand why I can’t

So you say I’m taking the easy way

Because life’s so hard I will take a break

Where I can get one

Always looking for the easy way out

Poems about Autism & Invisible Illness. These are the one sided conversations in my head. Things I never say face to face – because most things process on a delay. In the moment I often know I am upset but not exactly why. It is frustrating.

#ActuallyAutistic #SheCantBeAutistic #InvisibleAustim #AnonymouslyAutistic


12 thoughts on “Taking The Easy Route – A Poem About Invisible Illness”

  1. I recognise myself a lot in this text. It feels both good and bad that someone else is dealing with similar thoughts to mine. Good because it’s nice to know that I’m not so awfully different from everyone else as it sometimes seems. And bad because how awful it is that other people have to experience this too.
    Thank you for writing. It means a lot to me, and so many others.
    You’re so cool.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I love the way you bring poetry to the brain – whether in your prose or full-on like this post 🙂 Thank you for braving the agonizing medium of little black and white words to communicate the depth of feeling and sensation that keeps so many in tight little lockdown worlds. Keep stretching!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. off topic, but related to autism (i couldve used your about page– someday im happy to explain why i posted this where i did. i think youd be sympathetic.)

    i think this community is ready to (slowly) draft an alternative to the awful, oppressive (and above all, completely unsupported and unrealistic and unnecessary) dsm-v entry for asd.

    the dsm doesnt have the power to magically change reality– it can distort it, it can cause confusion, and it can misinform and support ignorance (it does all these things.) but we have precidents for extremely sloppy and impossible-to-support entries in the dsm– in the dsm-iii, homosexuality was a “mental disorder.” (seriously?)

    heres what im not saying– im not saying that “anna” should lead the charge, do more than she can do, or “come out” to be the face of such a movement. with 3,463 followers, a winning personality among her peers, and keen insights into the issue, i feel she would be a good de-facto (even temporary) “sort-of leader” for this cause. or just the executor? the person who signs the thing that says “this and this is getting done as it should be.”

    in a volunteer effort, theres no room to say when the deadlines are, unless someone else (an organizer of the dsm-vi or other similar body) creates one. when does the next version of wikipedia come out? well, in about 5 minutes from now. and then again tomorrow.

    but i do think there needs to be a licence that allows the whole community (and ultimately publishers) full access to this new asd definition/alternative to the dsm-v. i would personally recommend creative commons cc0, which is more than a public domain dedication– it works in countries like finland where it is not possible to “dedicate a work” to the public domain without an actual license. discovery is difficult to own, and i think we want the entire world to have this one. cc0 is the only license i know that allows that.

    but licensing aside, i do think this is a discussion that

    can happen
    should happen
    the world benefits from

    and like wikipedia, no one has to go get their phd to contribute. the world (and these peers) will ultimately let the cream rise to the top for selection. its the best kind of science or representation– that done by peers, for peers.

    i know some people are uniquely qualified, and others uniquely experienced. i know someone has to put a face on the idea in the long run. im not suggesting it be annas face. annas job would be to pass the baton around the world, and to report on its wherabouts (like the gnome in postcards from around the globe.) we dont need official anything in stage 1.

    in stage 2, anna (or someone else– the great thing is, it can always be someone else) finds a face that can represent the cause. someone who is NOT anonymous, who is out and willing to represent the thing publically. it can even be a group of public advocates– no reason it has to be a single person– to connect the anonymous with the public space.

    and before anyone gets nervous– no one has to participate that doesnt want to. they can simply look the other way. i may do so myself– i presume that anyone that chooses to has their reasons. although we can agree that those who step forward are admired for their help, a lot of us believe anonymity has value, and support it. we also support public advocacy. it is not a contradiction to say: “there is a time and a place for everything.”

    so everyone keeps the place they have now– the anonymous stay anonymous, and the public help create a world where anonymity is an option, but hopefully a little less crucial to some of us. (goodness knows, it wouldnt be the last reason to maintain anonymity.)

    let me stress the value of an INformal beginning. let everyone collaborate and talk and debate and throw ideas onto the table. no committee needs to be formed today. its still just an idea.

    this idea has the power to counter some of the damage done by the dsm-v, By Simply Providing An Alternative.

    and i think anna can do it– through just one thing– putting the idea out to a few (thousand) people on wordpress. talking to a few friends. and then they can tell their friends, and so on, and so on… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0mpli40G4E anna is the first ping pong ball.

    the real genius is that no one– including anna– has to contribute anything at all they arent 100% comfortable with. a whisper, a shake of the head “no.” a doctoral thesis– only whats volunteered will be taken, and nothing expected of any individual. you can ask to have your name credited, you can ask to have be left out of credits. (perhaps a count of anonymous contributors could be kept. i might even request to be part of that count instead.)

    all thats required is to think about it… or ignore it. or whatever. you decide what (if anything) else you want to do.

    those of you who read this comment here, know where its from. anna, perhaps youd be kind enough to post it (starting from the ———- line, and probably ending with the previous paragraph. and you can include the next paragraph also…) on your blog, perhaps with commentary? PLEASE dont feel pressured. if your answer is “im not touching this with a 10-foot-pole” you were never obligated. we can pass even that along to someone else, we can keep looking for our first ping-pong ball to start the chain. but i think youre one ideal candidate, fwiw.

    and of course i DO NOT recommend actually “chain-mailing” or spamming anyone about this; the chain is a just an illustrative metaphor. what im talking about is a global conversation among friends and peers, leading to a collaborative, worldwide definition of asd/aspergers as an alternative to the (rather worthless) dsm-v version. the official status of this definition is something people can work out later. the internet term for this sort of document is an “rfc” or “request for comments.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Request_for_Comments if the internet can be built on that sort of process, so can a better (alternative) dsm entry. good luck, #autistichumans #humansthatareautistic #etcetcetc

    anna: the balls in your court. do me one huge favor– if you dont want to do this, at least consider passing the request onto a friend? we can throw this potato around until someone wants it enough to hold on. you dont have to make history today, but i know someone around here can/is willing to do it, i bet. bow

    Liked by 2 people

  4. oh and im not looking for credit yet– so you can just paste this onto your blog as “from a citizen.” there will probably be forensic-style ways to link it to me in the future– im not concerned about those– nor can i count on an entire community to keep my name or handle off this thing. for now, you could post it as “from a citizen” or something vague. “from a friend” or “from a colleague.” at the very least, anyone with full access to your website can figure it out for themselves.

    you can put my handle on it if you insist, though id rather you leave it without it. thats why i posted it here. why start out at the forefront, when youre happy not to, right? we are still looking for a leader. people can find one on their own time.

    Liked by 1 person

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