My Mind Plays Tricks On Me

Our minds are always playing tricks on us.

My mind plays tricks on me.

I get stuck cleaning the house.

Sometimes I can’t stop as I must reach every single corner.

I spend so much time cleaning

that I normally only have one or two clean rooms at a time.

My brain second (3rd and 4th) guesses everything I do.

Did I water the dog?

Did I lock the door?

Did I grab my phone (as I’m holding it my hand).

I constantly find myself turning off the inner monologue.

Sometimes I do forget things

because I refuse

to listen to the nagging.

It’s a trap waiting to suck me in and I can’t let it.

Always forcing myself to think about other things.

Sing along to the song on the radio.

Put on an audio book.

Do something.

Stop.

My brain is funny.

It can also play pleasant tricks on me.

I have joy when I am fortunate enough to have my lucky number.

Even if I know there is nothing special about numbers.

Technically they don’t even exist.

My brain craves perfection,

out of reach and

impossible.

My mind is extremely logical.

I call bull shit on myself all the time.

When I am careful and pay attention the patterns are obvious.

Some thoughts are irrational and silly.

With my little rituals,

I am safe.

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22 thoughts on “My Mind Plays Tricks On Me”

  1. being able to focus on everything is like being “a master of all trades.”

    im sure youre very good at focusing like a laser on something under the right conditions, but thats how you end up with a phone in your hand that you cant find. you just “switch gears” differently.

    the most sophisticated computer in the world that is only running solitaire, a web browser, and media player isnt going to recognize a face until the face-recogition program is loaded. (and if youre like me, your face-recognition program isnt the best one on the market either.)

    theres a difference between being able to throw the fastest pitch in baseball, and being able to juggle. both involve throwing a ball (or a beanbag– wait, im doing it now.)

    its not your engine, your engine is fine. you have a unique transmission. in the operating system its the process scheduler. but its part of why your take on the world is unique– and you can till master a single task, you just might juggle… um… differently 🙂 i know i do!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. only on your blog. but you cant edit your own comments on someone elses blog. its a little strange, but in this case comments are like contributions to your own website. in your case (your own domain) thats even more true.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The question I get: Are my keys in my purse? Even when I have an absolute clear memory of putting them in my purse minutes earlier. I’ll comply just to satisfy my mind. Those mind tricks do sometimes give me a chuckle. Such as when I’m looking for my eye mask and realize I’m wearing it.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Hi Anne,

    The mind is a boundless place. It seems like a garden that needs to be constantly attended. Thank you for sharing your mind. I will pray for calm and beauty to pop up in your thoughts.

    Gary

    On Wed, Feb 22, 2017 at 1:29 AM Anonymously Autistic wrote:

    > anonymouslyautistic posted: “Our minds are always playing tricks on us. My > mind plays tricks on me. I get stuck cleaning the house. Sometimes I can’t > stop as I must reach every single corner. I spend so much time cleaning > that I normally only have one or two clean rooms at a time. My” >

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Beautifully perfect. I am learning so much about myself reading your posts. The fact that when I cannot stop doing something until it is perfect, I’m tired, sweating and alone but do I choose to give up, do I choose to stop, do I care what time it is, do I care if I’ve not eaten, does it matter that I have lost count about how many times I have changed my mind about what book, radio channel or artist that im listening too. It has to be perfect, the light, the background noise, the shine on the screen, I know I am crazy but I know others are too. It really helps, thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I can identify with pretty much all of that. OCD’s a bitch. That moment of genuinely not knowing if you just did(or checked) something eats up so much time it’s ridiculous. It can make you do a fantastic job of something or completely ruin it by going over things that didn’t need going over.
    I wonder if a faulty short term memory is part of our problem. I often instantly forget words and numbers I just looked at, like when comparing two things. When I worked with data, this caused a lot of problems for me and the only way to do it would be to keep recomparing or rechecking. On the bad days, this could go on for an embarrassing amount of time and I prayed I didn’t get found out. Likewise, when reading, often the meaning of the words I just read simply does not go in and I have to go back and reattempt it.
    It’s so hard to convey the misery of this to another person who hasn’t got it. They would have you believe it’s all manner o things it’s not, to make themselves feel better about a problem they do not understand.

    Like

    1. “When I worked with data, this caused a lot of problems for me and the only way to do it would be to keep recomparing or rechecking. On the bad days, this could go on for an embarrassing amount of time and I prayed I didn’t get found out.” – YES! So much this. I feel like if people knew they would not hire me.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I struggle with similar things too, being an over thinker. Which is why being rushed and given last minutes notice for something, personally gives me a headache or puts me in a not so great mood because I’m almost certain I’ll forget something or misplace something…and I usually do as well. You illustrated the feelings beautifully ~ thank you for sharing them ~

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “because I’m almost certain I’ll forget something or misplace something…and I usually do as well.” – I mentioned this when getting my ASD diagnosis but added – there is always a reason for my “checking” because I’ve left home and the garage wide open or pets with no water. 95% of the time I check for no reason but the point is if I do forget it can be bad. If I rush – I am just all messed up. Please NEVER rush me.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I am good at figuring out where missing things are. Tonight I had to change a light bulb in a light with a casing and I dropped the supportive nut. Thanks to the torch on my phone I was able to find it. Isn’t technology wonderful? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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