Autistic Confessions – Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts – I’ve had them since I was a child, although the older I get (due to continuing great effort on my part) the more manageable these things have become.

When I was a child, I remember being disturbed by some of the things that would randomly pop into my head. Very quickly my inner monologue would begin to obsess over what ever horror I had just seen or thought.

“Why I am I thinking about that? Is this going to happen? Do I want this to happen? What’s wrong with me? This is not normal.” 

As a child I was convinced I would grow up locked away. One day my mind would crack and all the crazy would fall out, people would know, and they would put me away. It sounds ridiculous but this fear was very real to me for many years. It never fully vanished until my Autism diagnosis.

I’ve learned to manage things. I’ve learned to recognize the patterns in my mind (most of the time). When I see myself slipping into that same old spiral it’s time to move my mind to something else – a distraction.

Turn on the radio and sing out loud. Blast your stereo and dance until the nagging fades away. Write a poem, make a sketch, go for a run, or a walk. Get out of your head – turn it off, make it stop. If you go there the trap will have you deep in the dark.

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “Autistic Confessions – Intrusive Thoughts”

    1. I couldn’t agree more with your last sentence, it truly does let others know that they’re not alone! I was going to ask though, what if you’re in a position when being distracted isn’t so easy? For example, when it’s late at night and you’re super angry/frustrated as well as overwhelmed and exhausted, but your negative thoughts just won’t stop. You’re too tired to fight them, but they’re raging louder than ever and all you want is to scream or shout etc…get them out somehow and yet you can’t. Because nobody really knows and even in the past, when you’ve tried speaking up about it, the responses and reaction you’re greeted with aren’t supportive in the least. What would you do? Sorry who the long question/comment. 😕

      Liked by 5 people

      1. Reading had always been my favorite escape. If I found myself unable to focus on the words, I would read them out loud. I’ve also copied difficult words & definitions from the dictionary onto paper. Anything that forces the brain away from the hampster. Many, many 3AM with my paper & glitter gel pens of various colors. 😃

        Liked by 3 people

  1. Distraction is great for intrusive thoughts the more you ignore them the less significance they have. I’m currently having therapy and wrote a post on intrusive thoughts, check it out if you like. But it is normal to have intrusive thoughts 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Great post, loved reading about how you work on it.
    My younger son with autism says “his inner landscape is constantly at odds with his outer one”. Distraction helps him too, like music or going for a ride, playing basketball. He also tells his “inner voice” to “shut up” and he says “sometimes it does”. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I am dx’d with OCD as well. As a kid, I had intrusive thoughts about pushing people down stairs and thinking I have to walk a certain way or bad things will happen. I still have impulsive and intrusive thoughts all the time and am on medication.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Anne,

    Wow! This is good honest stuff. I think I the mind, like you said, is somethIng to be aware of and tend regularly. Many times thought pass into our mind that are not necessarily our thoughts. We have to know how to select and monitor them.

    Thanks, Gary On Mon, Feb 27, 2017 at 12:35 AM Anonymously Autistic wrote:

    > anonymouslyautistic posted: “Intrusive thoughts – I’ve had them since I > was a child, although the older I get (due to continuing great effort on my > part) the more manageable these things have become. When I was a child, I > remember being disturbed by some of the things that would ran” >

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My mind does this as well, when I was young it was more of the popping up of topics and now its a constant inner monolog with pictures. I spend a lot of time in a pair of noise canceling headphones listening to music and audiobooks, which helps and is lovely.
    When I was younger I had the absolute opposite feeling you had, I thought; “can’t someone put me away in a controlled environment instead of insisting of letting me out in this chaotic world every day!!!”

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s