Tag Archives: Neuroscience

The Meltdown

Sometimes it creeps on slowly

I see it coming hours in advance

Other days it hits me like a freight train

I feel like I am always holding off The Beast

Swimming through mental sludge

My head is pounding and my eyes burn

Out in the world I am unprotected

I need to find a private space

Being alone is the only cure

Finally I am home

Worn down and empty

I find myself in bed early

Rolled tightly in blankets

Soothed by darkness

Maybe if I sleep the monster will leave

Sometimes rest is all I need

There are days where nothing can save me

When all my senses begin to run together

Sounds and sights become dizzying sensations

I cannot move but I must

The room is spinning so fast

I make it to the bathroom just in time

as motion sickness overtakes me

I am paralyzed by an indescribable pain

My body and mind stop working together

Getting back to my bed is challenging

So I stay on the floor in my bathroom

Curled into a tight ball

Hiding under a pile of towels

Thinking is impossible

Nothing works

The monster is in control

Total meltdown

Pain and confusion

The Monster has me

Nothing left to do but wait it out

A poem about an Autistic Meltdown.

 

There Are Still People That Don’t Believe in Autism

Of all the people who I encounter the people who don’t believe in Autism are the hardest to deal with. Like the Tooth Fairy or some other mythological creature, they say “Autism is something that doctors make up to give drugs to kids who weren’t raised right”.

They don’t understand that Autistic brains are physically and chemically different than “normal brains”. The non-believers don’t understand genetics, psychology or temperament. You can’t explain the science because they often don’t believe in science either.

As I stand in front of them they tell me that I “just need more practice” or am “not trying hard enough”. Sometimes they blame my problems on my parents for raising me wrong, which isn’t far since everyone in my life did the best they could.

My best is never good enough for these people and my pleas for help are only excuses to them. Toxic people, who may mean well, frustrating me beyond all reason enjoying their ignorance.

This has got to change. Autism is a real thing. I am a real person. I am doing my best and it’s all I’ve got.

How is it that in this day and age there are still people who don’t believe in Autism?

A Poem About Sensory Overload / Sensory Meltdown

Squinting in the light

Ticking Clocks

The world is so bright

Everything hums

Shiny daylight fixtures

Killing me slowly

Eyes and brain aching

Stomach turns

I’m not faking

Sounds you can’t hear

Driving me crazy

Can’t tune it out

Can’t make it stop

I close my eyes and rock

Counting to ten

Breathing deeply

Desperately grasping

Trying to hold it in

Looking for a place to hide

The world is spinning

I can’t escape

Hot tears burst

My body burns

Nobody can help me

Let me be

Do not touch me

I need to breathe

Once started

This pain must run its course

Before I sleep

A poem inspired by Sensory Overload / Sensory Meltdowns / Autistic Meltdowns / Sensory Processing Disorder

Autistic Confessions – Stimming at Work

I stim my entire hour and a half long commute. Then I take breaks and stim on my own during the work day.

I stim in private or whenever I find myself alone. I wish it wasn’t shameful to stim in public as an adult.

I feel like a breastfeeding mother shamed into feeding her baby in a bathroom stall.

Stimming helps me to get through my day but our corporate clients are not ready to face the truth that is Autism.