Tag Archives: meltdown

Overwhelmed Meltdown to Burn Out – A Poem – Guest Blog

A stone in my throat
Left and right brains beat swiftly
Needles prick my nerves
Tingling nerves in whole teeth
Mind blank out
Numbness envelope whole head
Tears well up turning to
Uncontrollable tears draining my face
Dripping down my chin
Unintentional wrong
Lead into drown into the abyss of sea
Struggling to swim up
Heavy stone body pushing me deeper
As my hand lifting upwards
During daytime
Sudden loss of energy at my hands
Palms lose strength to grip
Noises
Every light footsteps
Pulling of chairs
Shouts
High pitched voices
Distract my focus
Messages
Apps
Notification tones
Breaks my concentration to pieces
Awakened from sleep
Heartbeat rhythms pounding faster
Pulling nerves at my rear skull
Tingling nerves and pulling backwards
In the temple of my head
Explosive pressure in the top of my head
Either in my half-right head
Or in my half-right head
At times squeezing my whole head
As sense of burning in my head
Perspiring in the cold room
Pulsating head temples spreading in whole head
Gasping for breathe
Calling out to Jesus for help
Looking to my Lord for His healing
Crying to Him from inside
– Yoshiko (Diagnosed at age 34)
Please check out Yoshiko’s blog for more great content.

My Meltdown – A Poem – Guest Blog

This poem comes from a long term reader, fellow blogger, and dear friend. I am honored to share with you a work by the one and only Allison M. Kramer of the Through 1 Filter  blog.

Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment. People need to understand meltdowns. These conversations are important.

 

My meltdown is

Echoed in my screaming
Adrenaline is racing like napalm through my veins
Moro reflex punching my gut over and over
Reliving the sensory overload on a loop

I’m drowning without being in water
and I have to go to bed for 2 days

Sometimes it brings red and blue flashing lights on a squad car 
Handcuffs chewing into my wrists
Lots of shouting and grabbing
Strapped to a backboard while my skin turns purple and black

Locked up, drugged up
Being punished for something I cannot control
It isn’t a conscience choice I’ve made
To disrupt my life or yours

It so happened that
A dog was barking-
A child was screaming-
Someone set off a firecracker-
And I couldn’t process the information fast enough
To remain in control of my executive functioning

The threat of sensory overload
hangs pregnant, like a cumulonimbus cloud

I need a safe place and safe people- now and until I die
To successfully process what life heaps upon me

Will you help me to make this a reality? I cannot do it alone, behind a computer detached from any notion of community. I don’t want my life story to end in a jail cell, nursing home or alley. 

 

Allison M. Kramer
Author:Through 1 Filter

 

 

Meltdowns Suck, I Hate Crying In Public, & No I Can’t Turn it Off

My mental profile is SO spiky. I am extremely gifted at a few things but certain things I can’t handle.

Last minute schedule changes  stress me out. Meltdowns are the worst and  having one in public is embarrassing as hell. A woman in her mid-thirties crying like a child.  I hide and cry. This also happens anytime someone I trust misleads me (because I trust few people).

Sometimes if the schedule change is big enough I will go into a full blown panic. It is worse if I feel like I am trapped and can’t say no – I feel like I am drowning every time this happens. I know how to recover from them but they are not under my control.

My meltdown is NOT a tantrum – it is a very true expression of inner feelings that I can no longer contain. The dam has broken and a flood is imminent. Everything I’ve been holding in has got to come out.

People think I am being dramatic or exaggerating things but I literally can’t stop a meltdown. In addition the thing that I am reacting to may seem very small to them. They don’t see things from my perspective or know all the other factors that went into building that meltdown.

Maybe someone I love just passed away, or I am feeling sick, maybe I am having horrible PMS, or trouble sleeping, sometimes my social anxiety gets out of control.

These are the disabling things I don’t talk about.

I tend to bottle everything up, which can’t be healthy, and eventually like a can of frozen soda – when the pressure becomes too great, I POP! I’ve done this all my life.

It’s too late once a meltdown has started, they have to run their course – sometimes if I get away fast enough I can help one pass more quickly.

While meltdowns are physically and mentally painful and I NEVER want to have one, sometimes the relief felt after one is amazing especially if you’ve been under extra stress.

I always feel worn out afterwards, like someone who has had a seizure, or an orgasm. Sometimes I feel naked and exposed meltdowns make you feel vulnerable and out of control.

Please be compassionate next time you see a thirty-something woman crying in public, you don’t know what she’s got going on.

She might be autistic, she might be stressed, she might even be me. 😉

 

The Meltdown

Sometimes it creeps on slowly

I see it coming hours in advance

Other days it hits me like a freight train

I feel like I am always holding off The Beast

Swimming through mental sludge

My head is pounding and my eyes burn

Out in the world I am unprotected

I need to find a private space

Being alone is the only cure

Finally I am home

Worn down and empty

I find myself in bed early

Rolled tightly in blankets

Soothed by darkness

Maybe if I sleep the monster will leave

Sometimes rest is all I need

There are days where nothing can save me

When all my senses begin to run together

Sounds and sights become dizzying sensations

I cannot move but I must

The room is spinning so fast

I make it to the bathroom just in time

as motion sickness overtakes me

I am paralyzed by an indescribable pain

My body and mind stop working together

Getting back to my bed is challenging

So I stay on the floor in my bathroom

Curled into a tight ball

Hiding under a pile of towels

Thinking is impossible

Nothing works

The monster is in control

Total meltdown

Pain and confusion

The Monster has me

Nothing left to do but wait it out

A poem about an Autistic Meltdown.

 

A Poem About Sensory Overload / Sensory Meltdown

Squinting in the light

Ticking Clocks

The world is so bright

Everything hums

Shiny daylight fixtures

Killing me slowly

Eyes and brain aching

Stomach turns

I’m not faking

Sounds you can’t hear

Driving me crazy

Can’t tune it out

Can’t make it stop

I close my eyes and rock

Counting to ten

Breathing deeply

Desperately grasping

Trying to hold it in

Looking for a place to hide

The world is spinning

I can’t escape

Hot tears burst

My body burns

Nobody can help me

Let me be

Do not touch me

I need to breathe

Once started

This pain must run its course

Before I sleep

A poem inspired by Sensory Overload / Sensory Meltdowns / Autistic Meltdowns / Sensory Processing Disorder