“Through Our Eyes: Living with Asperger’s” (Documentary)

I watched this documentary last year before I started my blog. Back when I was gathering information and desperately trying to find words to describe the things that I went through every day.

Today I re-watched this video and looked at the view count – 300,207. Wow. That is so important. That number reflects people learning about Autism, awareness spreading. Aspies own words getting out.

Like a fire our voices are spreading though the internet. Our stories are bring the truth to light.

I love the YouTube channel Alyssa Huber – The Life of an Aspie. She does a GREAT job advocating and educating. This video is wonderful and does a great job expressing things that many of us have felt.

10 Things I Struggle With Aspergers – Anna Moomin

Anna Moomin shared 10 things that she struggles with as an Aspie. I am going to share 5 of my own and as a bonus I’m throwing in another video she put up – Things I Like About Having Aspergers because both videos were just SO good.

Also I don’t like to focus exclusively on the negative.

5 Struggles I Have as an Autistic Person

Lighting / Florescent lights – I need natural light and like to sit in the dark. Lighting is my NUMBER one trigger for sensory overload.

Sounds – especially sounds that have movement. When sounds have movement I see and feel the movement inside of me. It is hard to explain but it drives me crazy and gives me motion sickness.

Alcohol – I used to drink at social events to help calm my nerves but my sensory issues made me stop. Drunk me has no filter and throws up from motion sickness. I don’t drink because I can’t.

Surprises / Changes to my Routine or Plans – I can handle happy surprises if I really like the surprise but even neutral changes / surprises can cause me to panic. It is an irrational reaction and I can’t help it. Predictability and routine are relaxing to me.

Conversations – They are a LOT of work for me ESPECIALLY with people who I don’t know well. If I spend an hour talking to my boss in a meeting I will feel worn out for the remainder of the day – and that is a one on one.

What she says about feeling hung over from socializing / talking to people is NOT an exaggeration. I really wish it was. That is burnout.

Spending too much time around my triggers can cause me to feel very sick (Autistic Burnout) – like Anna said a LOT like a hangover or a flu. I get run down and feel horrible.

Recharging My Batteries

In order to recover from the normal daily tasks I have to recharge. If I don’t get alone time I cannot recharge. It is very hard for me to have friends because having a full time job takes away all my energy and I have nothing left for personal relationships.

People do tend to take things personally when you are always turning them down. They don’t understand that I can want to be somewhere and still have to decline.

Anna Moomin has a GREAT YouTube channel. She has a lot to share and does a great job verbalizing her thoughts. Please subscribe to her channel for more great videos. I can take NO credit for her content.

Things I Like About Having Asperger’s


Girls & Autism: It Can Be Subtle, Or Absent For Some At Risk — CBS Chicago

Wow – finally some coverage for Autistic women and girls in the mainstream media. Yes – we exist!

The developmental disorder is at least four times more common in boys, but scientists taking a closer look are finding some gender-based surprises: Many girls with autism have social skills that can mask the condition.

via Girls & Autism: It Can Be Subtle, Or Absent For Some At Risk — CBS Chicago

Weighted Blankets – Princess Aspien

I’ve suffered with chronic insomnia my entire life.

I used to sleep under sofa cushions and pillows as a child and now, because I cannot sleep unless I have a heavy (not weighted) blanket over me – EVEN IF I AM HOT.

Being squeezed tight and makes me feel calm. Those weighted blankets are a bit expensive, so I don’t have one but I definitely want one!

Princess Aspien has another video (which I can take no credit for). I am super addicted to her channel. Please subscribe and check out her video explaining her experience with using weighted blankets to help her insomnia.

I’ve Worked Hard to Become Who I Am – Never Give Up

Every day you wake up and get to choose who you want to be.

You can decide what bad habit you want to break or choose to learn something new or master a new skill.

I try to have as many positive days as possible.

I try to keep moving in the right direction – little by little, inch by inch. The progress seems slow but eventually I look back and see how far I have come.

Its work worth second of every hour.

AUTISM HAND FLAPPING – Autism Stimming | The Aspie World

“If you’re happy and you know it flap your hands.” Anybody else flap their hands like a little chicken when they are really happy or get startled / surprised?

Until I learned what stimmig was I had no clue I was even stimming – and I stim all the time, a LOT. Most of the time I don’t even realize I am stimming.

Stimming is something that Autistic people do to help them regulate the constant onslaught by the environment on their senses. My brain is constantly flooded by the unfiltered information poring into it.

When I stim, I am able to tun out some of the extra noise, calm down, distress, relax, and focus.

Society tends to want people to sit still quietly, something I struggled with as a child. I remember fighting with my teachers, who wanted me to sit still. When I could not move paying attention in the classroom was impossible.

Autistic people need to stim, in a way it is a lot like breathing for me.

I have a friend who has Turrets. She told me that she can hold in her ticks but they build up and doing so feels horrible for her. This is definitely how I feel about stimming. It is like an itch that won’t go away – I have to scratch it and eventually I will no matter what.

I used to stop myself from stimming and would try to hide my stims. Now that I know why I stim and how it helps me to regulate myself.

If a stim is not appropriate (too loud or harmful) I try to switch it for something positive.  

Below are just a few of my own stimming behaviors. 

Finger Rubs / Silent Snaps

Finger Snaps

Tongue Flicking

Finger Snaps

Stim Toys / Jewelry

Look Out a Window

Sniff Something Nice

Listen to the Same Song for an hour over and over.



Hand Flapping



Verbal Stimming / Mouth Clicks & Noises

Hand Rubbing

Hand Tapping

Foot / Leg Tapping

Skin Picking / Pinching

Body Tightening and Relaxing

Stimming is self care – don’t stifle the stim!


He’s Back! The Aspie World, one of my favorite Vlogers on YouTube is back this week talking about  Autism, stimming, and hand flapping. I can take NO credit for the video below PLEASE check out and subscribe to The Aspie World on YouTube for more amazing content.

I Love to Hate You – Autism & Socks


It is more of a Sensory Processing Disorder problem than an Autism problem, but maybe it’s an Autism problem because we don’t explain the discomfort to the people around us.

We don’t know you don’t feel the same way we do about socks. We think that our behavior should be self explanatory because socks just suck that much. I have very early memories regarding the unpleasantness of socks. They felt like fiberglass burning into my ankles and the seam was a large lizard wiggling around on my toes.

When I was a baby my mother liked to dress me in socks with lace trim. I hated lace more than anything. Thinking about those socks makes me itch. Nothing could ever make them feel right. Looking around me everyone had socks. I thought you all were crazy. Why on earth would anyone put up with this much pain?

My mother said it was to protect my shoes, because shoes are expensive. It was a logical enough explanation, but as I got older I remember rubbing my feet and ankles raw by pawing at my socks.

Wet socks and wet clothing have always been impossible for me. My mother once asked me to put on wet socks. I can’t remember very clearly what happened after she asked that question (perhaps I had a meltdown) but I feel like the situation ended with vomit.

As I got older I started picking my own socks at the store. Ankle socks with no seam in the toe were my favorite when I could find them on sale. I had expensive taste in socks. If I could not find socks without a seam, I prefer ankle socks with a seam on top but they have to be soft.

I tried wearing shoes without socks, most of the time I ended up with blisters on my tinder feet.My balance is not the best and I am a bit of a klutz. I imagine my feet take quite a beating when not protected by socks.

Flats were great until my feet began to sweat. Pools of sweat feel like oceans in my shoes – it is ALMOST as bad as wet socks.

I try to stock up when I find a type of sock that I like. If a company changes their socks it will take me a while to get used to them.

Nothing is more annoying than a sock problem. The distraction is so intense it becomes hard to think about anything else without stimming. Maybe that is why I went barefooted so much as a child. I loved the feel of warm dry grass and hot asphalt on my feet.

I don’t run around with my shoes off any more. Now that I’ve found socks that feel nice I prefer not to feel small things under my feet. (As an adult, at 125 lbs, your feet hurt more when stepping on objects than they did when you only were closer to 60lbs.)

Even now there are some sensory days that I just can’t handle socks. If that happens I don’t wear them. It’s that easy. It is not fair that I put myself through the torture.

Itchy socks take away my valuable spoons. I need those they are mine!

I’ve been wearing socks for over 30 years now. It has taken me a long time to go from hating socks to loving socks.

Baby steps, progress is progress no matter how long it takes.

Autism Speaks Changes Mission – No Longer Seeking Cure

I’ve had negative feelings towards the organization Autism Speaks for a long time.

The were like a large and mighty enemy, spreading cure culture and promoting Autistic genocide.

They wanted to find a way to prevent Autistic children from being born (according to their mission statement) and that made me VERY uncomfortable.


In a 2006 press release, Autism Speaks stated as its goal “to accelerate and fund biomedical research into the causes,prevention, treatments and cure for autism spectrum disorders; to increase awareness of the disorder; and to improve the quality of life of affected individuals and their families. [. . .]
We are dedicated to funding global biomedical research into the causes, prevention, treatments and a possible cure for autism. We strive to raise public awareness about autism and its effects on individuals, families and society: and we work to bring hope to all who deal with the hardships of this disorder.”

Autism Speaks was a giant and I was just one little voice desperately screaming the only truths I knew through a keyboard.

My voice is small, but I was not alone.

We spoke out, we screamed, we made videos. Autistic people all over the world spoke up and together our voice was large.

Maybe our voices grew loud enough that the giant finally heard us – or at least that is the happy story that I’m telling myself.

The truth is I don’t have an insider’s point of view from Autism Speaks, so I can’t possibly know the reason.

At this point does the reason really matter?

The new version, which the nonprofit says has been in the works since at least late last year, takes a decidedly different tack.

“Autism Speaks is dedicated to promoting solutions, across the spectrum and throughout the lifespan, for the needs of individuals with autism and their families through advocacy and support; increasing understanding and acceptance of autism spectrum disorder; and advancing research into causes and better interventions for autism spectrum disorder and related conditions,” reads the update. “Autism Speaks enhances lives today and is accelerating a spectrum of solutions for tomorrow.”

Michelle Diament – Disability Scoop

This new language makes Autism Speaks feel more like a friend. It is almost like we want some of the same things. Is it too good to be true?

I have the cookie in my hand, but I am hesitant to take a bite. Is it laced with slow acting poison?

As awareness has progressed, more have come to understand that autism spectrum disorder is not an illness, but a neurological difference that may present challenges for an individual growing up in a world designed for the neurotypical brain. An estimated one in 68 children in the U.S. are on the autism spectrum. It’s important to remember these children grow up to be autistic adults, who deserve support and acceptance.

Finally, after years of suffering, are we heading out of the “Autism Dark Ages”?
So much harm has already been done. Can they really repair the damage? Only time will tell but I feel as if this is a step in the right direction.

If You Don’t Read the Comments Section of this Blog

You really should!

This blog has grown an amazing community of Autistic people (and others). We have amazing discussions in the comments section and would love for you to join in.🙂

THE MASK OF NORMALITY – Hiding My True Self (An Asperger’s Conundrum)

I’ve been talking a lot about passing and invisible disabilities over the past few months.

As Alyssa said – people don’t think I am Autistic because I can come off as “articulate, well adjusted, and extremely capable”.

I come off as a great problem solver, a bright woman, who is good at finding difficult solutions that others often miss. Certainly I can’t be Autistic.

All my anxiety is behind the scenes. Why? Well do you typically go around advertising all of your difficulties to the world do you (other than online)?

My disabilities and weaknesses are invisible but so are my strengths. At the same time all of my strengths and talents also remain hidden, due to self praise being interpreted as bragging.

I am a conundrum – a mix of invisible skills and invisible disabilities. Outwardly normal, trying to fill a role that I was not built for.

Acting normal is a skill. I am HIGHLY skilled at “passing” but doing so drains my batteries rapidly and requires extra recharge and recovery time. The costs on my mental health are not worth it.

It’s time to take off the mask and ask for mental health awareness centered in acceptance.

Alyssa Huber – The Life of an Aspie is an AMAZING YouTube channel. I can take NO credit for her video but PLEASE check out her channel for more great content.

#WorldMentalHealthDay #invisibledisability #Glitch #mentalhealth #iamwhole#WMHD


#ActuallyAutistic – This site is intend to inspire through sharing stories & experiences. The opinions of the writers are there own. If you have a medical question talk to your doctor. Thank you.