If you’ve ever googled “Am I autistic?” at 3 a.m. after spiraling into yet another rabbit hole of self-doubt and introspection, welcome to the club. I’ve been there. The internet is both a curse and a blessing when it comes to self-diagnosis—it offers information, but it can also leave you feeling like an imposter for even asking the question. Is there a real test for autism? What are the signs? And how do you actually get diagnosed without feeling like you’re faking it?
Let’s dive into it, complete with a dose of personal oversharing, because this is a journey I know all too well.
What Is Autism, Really?
Autism, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by differences in social communication, sensory processing, and behavior. It’s not a disease, a defect, or something to “fix”—it’s just another way of experiencing the world. Think of it as having a brain wired to a slightly different operating system.
Some autistic people are nonverbal, others give TED Talks. Some have sensory issues so intense they can’t stand the sound of a zipper, while others crave sensory stimulation like it’s an Olympic sport. Autism is a spectrum, meaning no two autistic people are exactly alike—but we share some common threads.
The Signs of Autism
The signs of autism often show up in childhood, but many of us slip through the cracks and don’t realize we’re autistic until adulthood (hello, late diagnosis gang). Here are some of the most common signs:
Social Communication Differences
- Difficulty understanding social cues, like tone of voice or body language.
- Struggling to maintain back-and-forth conversations.
- Preferring deep, one-on-one interactions over group settings.
- Feeling like you’re always faking it in social situations.
Repetitive Behaviors or Routines
- Repeating certain phrases, movements, or actions (aka “stimming”).
- Having intense, specific interests (like memorizing every Pokémon or cataloging obscure 18th-century textiles).
- Relying on routines and getting stressed when they’re disrupted.
Sensory Sensitivities
- Being overwhelmed by bright lights, loud sounds, or strong smells.
- Loving certain textures and hating others (e.g., I’d rather die than wear a scratchy wool sweater).
- Seeking sensory input, like weighted blankets or fidget toys.
Other Common Traits
- Hyperfocus on topics of interest.
- Difficulty with executive functioning (organizing, prioritizing, or starting tasks).
- A strong sense of justice or honesty, often to the point of bluntness.
My Journey: From “Weird Kid” to “Oh, That’s Why”
As a kid, I was the “quiet but intense” type. I’d read the same book 14 times in a row, couldn’t make eye contact without feeling like my soul was being scrutinized, and had meltdowns over things like the wrong brand of peanut butter. My teachers either loved me for being hyper-focused or got frustrated because I’d zone out completely if the subject didn’t interest me.
Nobody thought to say “autistic.” I was just “quirky,” “gifted,” or “a bit shy.”
It wasn’t until I stumbled onto an article about adult autism that the pieces started falling into place. Suddenly, all my quirks—my obsession with routines, my inability to handle crowded spaces, my deep love of random niche topics—made sense. It was like someone handed me the key to a room I’d been locked out of my whole life.
Is There a Test for Autism?
Yes and no. There’s no single definitive test, like a blood draw or an X-ray, to confirm autism. Diagnosis is more like assembling a puzzle from pieces of your life—behaviors, traits, and experiences.
Step 1: Online Screening Tools
These are NOT diagnostic but can be a good starting point. Tools like the Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) or RAADS-R give you a general idea of whether your traits align with autism. I remember taking one of these tests on a whim and scoring well into the “probably autistic” range, which sent me down the diagnosis rabbit hole.
Step 2: Professional Assessment
A formal diagnosis typically involves:
- Interviews: A clinician will ask about your developmental history, behaviors, and challenges.
- Behavioral Observations: They may assess how you interact or respond to certain situations.
- Questionnaires: Tools like the ADOS-2 (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) or ADI-R (Autism Diagnostic Interview) are commonly used.
- Reports from Others: If you’re comfortable, input from family or teachers can provide additional context.
Step 3: The Waiting Game
Unfortunately, getting diagnosed can be a long, expensive process, especially if you’re an adult. Some areas have waitlists that stretch for years, and not all clinicians are skilled in recognizing autism in women or marginalized groups.
To Diagnose or Not to Diagnose?
Not everyone feels the need to get a formal diagnosis. For some, self-diagnosis—based on research, reflection, and community input—is enough. For others, having that piece of paper can unlock accommodations at work, access to therapy, or simply a sense of validation.
For me, pursuing a diagnosis felt like stepping out of the shadows. It wasn’t about needing permission to call myself autistic—it was about reclaiming a narrative I didn’t know I’d been writing all along.
What About Masking?
Masking is the art (and curse) of hiding your autistic traits to fit in with neurotypical expectations. It’s why so many of us fly under the radar for years. You learn to laugh when others laugh, even if you don’t get the joke. You memorize scripts for social situations. You suppress stims because they “look weird.”
Masking is exhausting. It’s why so many autistic people experience burnout, anxiety, and depression. The more you mask, the more invisible your struggles become—until they swallow you whole.
A Few Things I Wish I’d Known Earlier
- You’re Not “Too Functional” to Be Autistic
Autism isn’t about whether you can hold a job or make friends—it’s about how your brain processes the world. - Being Autistic Doesn’t Mean You’re Broken
Society just isn’t set up for people who think differently. That’s not your fault. - Community Is Everything
Whether you’re officially diagnosed or self-identify, connecting with other autistic people is life-changing. They’ll get you in ways you never thought possible.
Resources for the Curious
- Screening Tools: Try the Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) or RAADS-R.
- Books: NeuroTribes by Steve Silberman, Unmasking Autism by Devon Price.
- Organizations: Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN), National Autistic Society.
- Support Groups: Look for local or online communities like Reddit’s r/autism or Facebook groups for autistic adults.
Final Thoughts
Figuring out if you’re autistic isn’t about fitting into someone else’s definition. It’s about understanding yourself, finding tools to navigate the world, and connecting with others who see your quirks as strengths, not flaws.
Whether you’re at the start of this journey or well into it, remember: you’re not alone, and you’re not “faking.” You’re just figuring out how to be the most authentic version of you—and that’s the most human thing of all.
