Hi there—I’m Elise Rae. No, it’s not my real name (but doesn’t it have a nice ring to it?). I chose a pseudonym for the same reason I write this blog—to create a safe space where I can be fully, unapologetically myself. I’m autistic, but I spent most of my life not knowing that. Now, I’m unraveling what that means while trying to make sense of the world and my place in it.
If you’re here, you probably understand how confusing, beautiful, and frustrating that journey can be. Or maybe you’re here to understand someone you love. Either way, I’m glad you’ve found me.
Why I Write
For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me. Socializing felt like a chore, my senses overwhelmed me, and I had a running list of rules in my head to navigate interactions with people. Things like: “Smile when someone says hi,” “Don’t talk about your favorite show for too long,” “Wait at least three seconds before interrupting.” It was exhausting.
But I got really good at pretending—so good that most people didn’t notice the cracks in my facade. I was the “quirky one,” the “overachiever,” the “girl who could solve any problem but couldn’t make small talk to save her life.”
When I finally learned I was autistic, it was like putting on glasses for the first time. Everything snapped into focus. My quirks weren’t flaws—they were just part of who I am. Writing became my way of processing that discovery. It’s where I unravel my thoughts, share my frustrations, and celebrate the small victories that make life on the spectrum uniquely mine.
A Note About This Blog
I’ve thought about writing a blog dozens of times, and these posts are mostly ideas I scribbled into one of dozens of notebooks over the years. Those notebooks gather dust at my parents’ house until I inevitably get told to toss them out. But I can’t, of course. They’re too vulnerable, too raw.
So instead, I hike them into the woods and burn them in a bonfire, one by one, like sacraments I’m delivering to the heavens in the form of smoke and sparks.
I’ve also shared fragments on platforms like Tumblr, MySpace, and Reddit—whatever semi-anonymous space I could find. But let’s be honest: there’s never been a good space for weird people to overshare without accidentally revealing their abnormalities.
Maybe I’ll be the one to fix that someday.
In the meantime, I’m moving all my articles and ideas from across the interwebs, reconstructing what fragments remain in my brain from those now-cremated journals, and posting them here. I’ll do my best to include the dates—give or take—when they were originally written.
Who I Am
I live in a cozy apartment that smells faintly of lavender (a sensory safe zone, if you will). My shelves are stacked with books about everything from neuroscience to fairy tales, and my desk is littered with a growing collection of fidget toys. My weighted blanket is my most prized possession, followed closely by a collection of gel pens I only use when the vibe feels right.
I’m a night owl—midnight is when my brain decides to spill all its secrets. You’ll usually find me typing furiously on my laptop with a cup of tea by my side, hoping the caffeine won’t betray me. I have an annoying habit of starting five different creative projects and finishing only two, but hey, progress is progress.
Things You Should Know About Me
- I’m a Perpetual Overthinker:
Every decision, from what socks to wear to what words to write, feels like a high-stakes chess game. If you’ve ever spent 30 minutes agonizing over an email, I feel you. - I Have a Love-Hate Relationship with Routine:
I thrive on structure, but I also rebel against it. I’ll plan my week in obsessive detail, only to ignore half my to-do list because I got hyper-focused on something entirely unrelated (like organizing my bookshelf again). - Sensory Issues Are My Kryptonite:
Tags in clothing? Nope. Loud restaurants? Please no. The smell of strong perfume? That’s a hard pass. But give me soft blankets, calming music, and the smell of freshly baked cookies, and I’m in sensory heaven. - I Find Joy in the Smallest Things:
A perfectly sharpened pencil. The sound of rain on my windows. A meme that makes me laugh until I cry. These tiny moments of happiness are what keep me going.
Why Anonymity Matters
I’ve chosen to stay anonymous for now, not because I’m ashamed of being autistic, but because I’m still learning how to navigate this new chapter of my life. Being anonymous gives me the freedom to be brutally honest—about the highs, the lows, and the messy middle.
It lets me write about meltdowns without worrying that my coworkers will see. It lets me celebrate my quirks without fear of judgment. And most importantly, it lets me connect with people who get it—people like you.
What You’ll Find Here
This blog is a little bit of everything. Personal stories, reflections on autism and neurodiversity, tips for navigating life on the spectrum, and the occasional rant about how the world just doesn’t get it.
I don’t have all the answers, but I believe in the power of shared experiences. My hope is that my words will make you feel seen, understood, or at least a little less alone.
Visual Snapshot
Right now, I’m curled up on my couch with a heating pad on my shoulders, trying to relax after a long day at work. My cat, Miso, is perched on the back of the couch, her soft purring the only sound in the room.
Beside me, a notebook lies open to a page filled with scribbled reminders: “Drink water,” “Take a deep breath,” and “Rest is productive too.”
A Final Word
I’m not an expert. I’m not a perfect advocate. I’m just someone trying to figure it all out. Life on the spectrum can be overwhelming, but it can also be wonderful in ways that are hard to explain.
If nothing else, I hope this blog reminds you that there’s no right or wrong way to be autistic. There’s just you—beautiful, complicated, and worthy of all the space you take up in the world.
Thanks for being here. It means more than you know.
With love and a little bit of chaos,
Elise Rae