For most of my life, I tried to be “normal.” I treated it like a secret recipe, carefully observing how people spoke, moved, and interacted, then attempting to mimic their behavior. I wanted to blend in so badly. But no matter how hard I tried, I always felt like an alien who had crash-landed on Earth and was fumbling through human customs without a translator.
Normalcy, I thought, was the golden ticket to acceptance, belonging, and maybe even happiness. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. Now, I’ve stopped chasing it. I’ve realized that being different isn’t a flaw to fix—it’s a truth to embrace.
What Society Says About Being Normal
Society is obsessed with conformity. It loves the predictable, the uniform, the easily understood. From the moment we’re born, we’re taught to color inside the lines, follow the rules, and avoid standing out.
For autistic people, this obsession with “normal” comes with an extra layer of pressure. Being “normal” often means suppressing the very traits that make us who we are: our stimming, our need for routine, our hyperfocus, our unique ways of expressing emotion.
“Normal,” in this context, isn’t just a suggestion—it’s an expectation. And meeting it can feel like erasing yourself entirely.
Why I Gave Up on Being Normal
1. It’s Exhausting
For years, I treated every social interaction like a performance. I rehearsed my lines, watched my tone, monitored my facial expressions. Was I smiling enough? Too much? Did my laugh sound genuine?
By the time I got home, I was spent. The constant masking—the effort to act neurotypical—left me burned out, anxious, and utterly disconnected from myself. I realized I was living a double life: the “normal” version of me that I showed to the world and the real me, buried under layers of pretense.
2. It’s Limiting
Fitting in means following a script, and scripts don’t leave much room for improvisation. I spent so much time trying to conform that I missed opportunities to explore my own uniqueness.
I silenced my excitement about niche interests because they weren’t “cool.” I avoided stimming in public because it might look “weird.” I held back parts of myself that brought me joy simply because they didn’t align with society’s narrow definition of normal.
3. It’s Unnecessary
Here’s the kicker: the people who truly matter in my life—the ones who love and support me unconditionally—don’t care if I’m “normal.” They embrace my quirks, celebrate my passions, and appreciate me for exactly who I am.
It turns out, the only person who ever demanded I be normal was…me.
A Moment of Freedom
I’ll never forget the party that changed everything. It was a small gathering—just a few friends and acquaintances—but for me, it felt like a gauntlet. The noise, the chatter, the expectation to make small talk—it was overwhelming.
For years, I would’ve pushed through, pretending to enjoy myself while counting down the minutes until I could leave. But this time, I decided to do something different.
I found a quiet corner where I could sit and just…exist. When someone approached me, I engaged in one-on-one conversations about topics that actually interested me. I didn’t force myself to laugh at jokes I didn’t find funny or stay longer than I wanted to.
I left early, not because I was miserable, but because I recognized my limits and respected them. For the first time, I felt like I’d experienced a social event on my terms. It was liberating.
What I’ve Gained by Embracing My Differences
1. Authenticity
By letting go of normalcy, I’ve finally learned to be myself—no apologies, no masks, no pretending. I stim when I need to, share my passions without shame, and communicate in ways that feel natural to me.
2. Confidence
Owning my quirks has transformed the way I see myself. What I once considered flaws, I now recognize as strengths: my attention to detail, my creativity, my ability to see the world differently.
3. Connection
The relationships I’ve built since embracing my true self are deeper and more meaningful than anything I ever had while masking. When you show up as your authentic self, you attract people who genuinely resonate with you.
What Being Different Really Means
In The Catcher in the Rye, Holden Caulfield says, “I’m just different, that’s all.” That line hits me like a lightning bolt every time. Because that’s exactly how I feel.
Being different isn’t a curse—it’s a gift. It allows me to see beauty in the mundane, to solve problems in ways others might overlook, to experience the world through a lens that’s uniquely mine.
Yes, being different can be hard. It can mean feeling misunderstood or excluded. But it also means living authentically, unapologetically, and fully.
A Call to Action
To my fellow neurodivergent souls: stop chasing normal. It’s a mirage, an impossible standard that will only leave you feeling exhausted and inadequate. Instead, lean into who you are—the good, the messy, the misunderstood.
And to everyone else: rethink what it means to be “normal.” Challenge the stereotypes and expectations that stifle individuality. Embrace the weird, the quirky, the unique. Because in the end, normal isn’t the goal. Connection, understanding, and authenticity are.
Resources for Embracing Neurodiversity:
- Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)
- NeuroClastic: Redefining Autism
- Devon Price’s “Unmasking Autism”
Have you ever struggled with the pressure to be “normal”? What helped you embrace your true self? Let’s share stories, tips, and encouragement in the comments.
