Imagine your brain is a radio, and someone’s cranked the volume on a station you don’t want to hear. You try to change the channel, but it’s stuck. The static gets louder. The voice keeps repeating the same words.
That’s what intrusive thoughts feel like for me.
They’re not just fleeting worries or passing concerns—they’re uninvited guests that barge in, rearrange the furniture, and refuse to leave. And they can be exhausting.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, involuntary thoughts or images that pop into your mind and refuse to leave. For me, they often sound like this:
- “You’re going to mess this up.”
- “Everyone thinks you’re a fraud.”
- “What if you accidentally left the stove on?”
They’re irrational, persistent, and sometimes downright cruel. And while I know they aren’t true, knowing doesn’t always make them stop.
The Worst Intrusive Thought I’ve Had
I was 26, driving home from work on a rainy evening. Out of nowhere, my brain whispered, “What if you just drove off the road?”
It wasn’t a suicidal thought—I didn’t want to hurt myself. It was more like my brain was testing me, throwing out a disturbing “what if” just to see what I’d do.
I gripped the steering wheel tighter, my heart racing as I argued with myself: “I don’t want to do that. Why am I thinking this?”
By the time I got home, I was shaken and exhausted.
Why Intrusive Thoughts Happen
Intrusive thoughts aren’t exclusive to autistic people, but the overlap between autism and anxiety makes them a frequent companion. For me, they’re often triggered by:
- Sensory Overload: When my environment feels chaotic, my brain mirrors that chaos.
- Perfectionism: The fear of making a mistake can spiral into relentless self-doubt.
- Stress: Deadlines, social pressure, or even small changes in routine can send my mind into overdrive.
How I Fight Back
- Name the Thought: I label it as an intrusive thought and remind myself that it doesn’t define me.
- “That’s not me—it’s just my brain being noisy.”
- Use Logic: I challenge the thought with facts.
- Thought: “Everyone thinks you’re a fraud.”
- Response: “Actually, my boss just praised my work yesterday.”
- Practice Grounding: When a thought feels overwhelming, I focus on something tangible.
- I’ll hold a piece of ice, count objects in the room, or focus on the feeling of my feet on the floor.
- Redirect My Focus: I give my brain something else to do, like solving a puzzle, writing, or even folding laundry.
- Talk About It: Sharing my intrusive thoughts with a trusted friend or therapist helps me take away their power.
What Doesn’t Work
- Trying to Ignore Them: The more I fight them, the louder they get.
- Overanalyzing: Picking apart why I had the thought just gives it more airtime.
- Judging Myself: Beating myself up for having intrusive thoughts only makes me feel worse.
Visual Snapshot
I’m sitting at my desk, a half-empty cup of tea beside me and a soft playlist humming in the background. A sticky note taped to my monitor reads, “It’s just a thought.”
Outside, the sun is setting, casting a golden glow through the window. I take a deep breath, grounding myself in the moment, and remind myself that I’m not my thoughts.
FAQ
Q: Are intrusive thoughts dangerous?
A: No. Intrusive thoughts don’t reflect your true desires or intentions. They’re just random brain noise.
Q: Should I be worried if I have them?
A: Not necessarily. Intrusive thoughts are common, but if they’re interfering with your daily life, it’s worth talking to a therapist.
Q: Can they go away completely?
A: While you can’t control when intrusive thoughts appear, you can learn strategies to manage them so they have less impact.
Final Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts may be persistent, but they’re not permanent. They’re like bad weather—uncomfortable, inconvenient, but ultimately temporary.
If you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts, know this: you’re not alone. You’re not broken. And with the right tools, you can take back the wheel.
And if you need me, you’ll find me here—scribbling affirmations in my notebook, sipping tea, and reminding myself that every storm eventually passes.
