Let me tell you about the time I almost quit my dream job because of a meltdown.
It was one of those days where everything went wrong. The office was louder than usual—the hum of printers, the constant buzz of fluorescent lights, the overlapping voices of coworkers discussing last night’s game. My sensory system was on high alert, and my anxiety was creeping up like a slow-moving storm.
Then came the phone call.
The Breaking Point
It started with a simple question. I needed help from the finance department, so I called their office. The woman on the other end seemed nice at first, but as I tried to explain the issue, she kept interrupting me with more questions.
“I just need to know—”
“Can you clarify—”
“Have you tried—”
Her voice was calm, but to me, it felt like an avalanche of demands. My brain couldn’t keep up. The harder I tried to focus, the more overwhelmed I became.
Finally, I snapped. “Look,” I said sharply, “I can’t do this right now. I need to go.” I hung up, pushed my chair back, and bolted out of the office.
The Meltdown
I didn’t stop running until I reached the stairwell. It was empty, dimly lit, and blissfully quiet. My heart was pounding, my breathing was ragged, and tears were streaming down my face.
I sat on the bottom step, curling into myself, rocking back and forth to self-soothe. My thoughts were racing: Why can’t I handle this? Why am I like this?
For 15 minutes, I stayed there, letting the meltdown run its course. When it was over, I felt hollow, like all the energy had been drained from my body. But I knew I had to go back upstairs and pretend nothing had happened.
What People Don’t See
Meltdowns aren’t tantrums. They’re not dramatic outbursts or attempts to get attention. They’re what happens when an autistic person’s brain is pushed beyond its limits.
Here’s what people don’t see:
- The hours of sensory overload that build up to a meltdown.
- The effort it takes to mask emotions until it’s no longer possible.
- The physical toll—a racing heart, trembling hands, a body that feels like it’s been hit by a truck.
Meltdowns aren’t a choice. They’re a response to overwhelming stress, and they’re as painful for us as they are uncomfortable for others to witness.
How I’ve Learned to Cope
Since that day, I’ve worked on strategies to manage meltdowns and prevent them when possible. Here’s what helps:
- Recognizing the Signs. I’ve learned to identify the early warning signs of burnout—like irritability, sensory sensitivity, and trouble concentrating.
- Taking Breaks. When I feel overwhelmed, I step away before things escalate. Even five minutes in a quiet space can make a difference.
- Communicating My Needs. I’ve started telling my coworkers when I need accommodations, like fewer phone calls and more emails.
- Building Recovery Time. After a meltdown, I give myself permission to rest and recharge without guilt.
What Others Can Do
If you work with someone who’s autistic, here’s how you can help during a meltdown:
- Give Them Space. Don’t try to comfort or reason with them in the moment—it might make things worse.
- Turn Down the Sensory Input. If possible, dim the lights, reduce noise, or move to a quieter location.
- Be Patient. Understand that they’re not angry at you; they’re overwhelmed by the situation.
And most importantly, don’t judge. Meltdowns are a natural response to an unnatural level of stress.
Visual Snapshot
I’m sitting at my desk, writing this post while sipping on chamomile tea. The soft glow of my desk lamp is the only light in the room, and a white noise machine hums softly in the background. My cat is curled up on the chair beside me, her gentle purring a soothing presence.
It’s a far cry from that office stairwell, but it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come.
FAQ
Q: Are meltdowns the same as tantrums?
A: No. Tantrums are intentional and often goal-driven, while meltdowns are involuntary and caused by overwhelming stress or sensory input.
Q: How can I prevent meltdowns at work?
A: Build in regular breaks, create a sensory-friendly workspace, and communicate your needs to your employer or coworkers.
Q: Is it unprofessional to have a meltdown at work?
A: No. Meltdowns are a neurological response to stress, not a character flaw. It’s important to treat them with compassion and understanding.
Final Thoughts
Having a meltdown at work doesn’t make you weak or incapable. It makes you human—and autistic. It’s a reminder that we’re navigating a world that wasn’t designed for us, doing the best we can with the tools we have.
If you’ve ever had a meltdown, know this: you’re not alone, you’re not broken, and you’re not a failure. You’re doing your best in a system that doesn’t always make room for you.
And if you need me, I’ll be here, drinking tea and building a life where meltdowns don’t have to be hidden.
