When people say “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know,” I cringe. Office politics might as well be written in ancient hieroglyphs for how much sense they make to me.
While my coworkers seem to instinctively navigate alliances, subtle favors, and unspoken rules, I sit at my desk wondering why a “simple” workplace conversation feels like a scene from Game of Thrones.
Why Office Politics Feel Impossible
- Unspoken Rules:
- Office politics operate on a code I can’t crack. There’s the visible hierarchy (bosses, managers, employees) and then the invisible one—where alliances, favoritism, and unwritten norms reign supreme.
- Social Nuance Overload:
- Conversations are loaded with subtext I can’t pick up. Is a smile friendly or condescending? Is a comment genuine or a dig?
- The Emotional Exhaustion of Masking:
- Trying to fit in and stay “likable” without misstepping takes an enormous toll.
A Memory of Political Missteps
A few years ago, I worked on a team project that required constant collaboration. My focus was on delivering quality work, so I skipped the coffee runs, happy hours, and casual desk chats to stay on track.
I thought my efforts would speak for themselves—until I realized I’d been left out of key decisions because I wasn’t “part of the group.” One coworker even told me, “You’re great at your job, but you’re a little… distant.”
Why I Struggle With Office Politics
- I Value Direct Communication:
- I don’t understand why people can’t just say what they mean. If there’s an issue, let’s talk about it. If you want something, ask for it.
- I Don’t See the Point of Gossip:
- Whispering about others behind their backs feels both uncomfortable and unnecessary.
- I’m Focused on Results, Not Relationships:
- It’s not that I don’t want to connect with my coworkers—it’s just that I prioritize the work itself over socializing.
How I Navigate Office Politics (Sort Of)
- Find Allies:
- I look for coworkers who value transparency and collaboration. Having even one ally can make a huge difference.
- Set Boundaries:
- I participate in social events when I can, but I don’t force myself to attend every happy hour or lunch.
- Focus on My Strengths:
- While I may not thrive in the political arena, I excel in problem-solving, creative thinking, and delivering results.
What I Wish Offices Would Change
- Reward Transparency:
- Encourage open communication instead of rewarding those who play the game.
- Value Diverse Strengths:
- Not everyone is a social butterfly, and that’s okay. Quiet contributors are just as valuable as outspoken leaders.
- Make Inclusivity a Priority:
- Create spaces where all employees—neurodivergent or not—feel supported and respected.
A Literary Parallel
I’ve often felt like Bartleby from Herman Melville’s Bartleby, the Scrivener: quietly doing my work while the rest of the office moves in a rhythm I can’t match. The difference is, instead of saying, “I would prefer not to,” I find myself saying, “What am I missing?”
FAQ
Q: Can’t you just fake it?
A: I can, but it’s exhausting. Masking in social situations drains my energy and makes it harder to focus on my actual work.
Q: How do you deal with feeling excluded?
A: I remind myself that my value isn’t tied to social cliques. I also seek out like-minded coworkers who appreciate my contributions.
Q: Is it possible to succeed without playing office politics?
A: Yes, but it requires setting boundaries and advocating for yourself. Success should be based on merit, not manipulation.
Final Thoughts
Office politics might never make sense to me, and that’s okay. I’m learning that it’s possible to carve out a space for myself—one where authenticity matters more than alliances.
If you’re someone who struggles with the unspoken rules of the workplace, know this: you’re not alone, and your contributions matter, even if they’re not always noticed.
And if you need me, you’ll find me here—at my desk, quietly doing the work I love, far from the political fray.
