Tag Archives: Poetry

Misunderstandings

So many misunderstandings.

People read too much into meaningless things.

If I don’t look at you when you speak

you assume I’m not listening.

When my body language

doesn’t do what you’d expect

or when I laugh in the wrong moment.

If I say something using the wrong tone

you may think I’m rude.

If I cannot speak

I must be hiding something.

Over and over,

we confuse each other.

When I take something you say literally,

or my brain skips hearing words as you say them.

Sometimes I need time to process.

If I don’t get it

we’ll both stay confused.

Sometimes I can’t explain myself.

Please trust me.

Sometimes I process things on a delay.

Maybe we can talk about it another day – maybe not.

I’m not ignoring you or trying to

leave you hanging.

If I look confused, I probably am.

Give me time to figure things out on my own.

Don’t treat me like a child.

It’s only

a misunderstanding.

A poem about Autism and misunderstandings. Being Autistic sometimes feels like nobody understands you. Other times you know instantly that some misunderstanding has occurred.

My Meltdown – A Poem – Guest Blog

This poem comes from a long term reader, fellow blogger, and dear friend. I am honored to share with you a work by the one and only Allison M. Kramer of the Through 1 Filter  blog.

Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment. People need to understand meltdowns. These conversations are important.

 

My meltdown is

Echoed in my screaming
Adrenaline is racing like napalm through my veins
Moro reflex punching my gut over and over
Reliving the sensory overload on a loop

I’m drowning without being in water
and I have to go to bed for 2 days

Sometimes it brings red and blue flashing lights on a squad car 
Handcuffs chewing into my wrists
Lots of shouting and grabbing
Strapped to a backboard while my skin turns purple and black

Locked up, drugged up
Being punished for something I cannot control
It isn’t a conscience choice I’ve made
To disrupt my life or yours

It so happened that
A dog was barking-
A child was screaming-
Someone set off a firecracker-
And I couldn’t process the information fast enough
To remain in control of my executive functioning

The threat of sensory overload
hangs pregnant, like a cumulonimbus cloud

I need a safe place and safe people- now and until I die
To successfully process what life heaps upon me

Will you help me to make this a reality? I cannot do it alone, behind a computer detached from any notion of community. I don’t want my life story to end in a jail cell, nursing home or alley. 

 

Allison M. Kramer
Author:Through 1 Filter

 

 

Taking The Easy Route – A Poem About Invisible Illness

How dare you say I’m taking the easy route

When you have no idea what I’m going through

You tell me I’m not trying

But this is all I’ve got

Sometimes just doing normal things

Takes up all my energy

There are days when normal life experiences

Make me physically ill

Work a little harder you say

I keep pushing

Pushing myself to exhaustion

Just trying to keep up

You’re not stupid – you say

Trying to pay me a compliment

Look it’s not that hard

This is all you do

But for me it is difficult

You make these things look easy

and can’t understand why I can’t

So you say I’m taking the easy way

Because life’s so hard I will take a break

Where I can get one

Always looking for the easy way out

Poems about Autism & Invisible Illness. These are the one sided conversations in my head. Things I never say face to face – because most things process on a delay. In the moment I often know I am upset but not exactly why. It is frustrating.

#ActuallyAutistic #SheCantBeAutistic #InvisibleAustim #AnonymouslyAutistic

Don’t Make Me Speak – A Poem

Don’t make me speak

When I’m not ready

Sometimes the words won’t come out

From time to time my mind goes blank

Even more frustrating are silent times

Where I am screaming on the inside

But my mouth will not move

If I try to force the words

I may be lucky to get something out

Although these forced phrases

Are never what I hope they will be

Everything inside me is pounding

As I try to find something to say

The more I try to speak

The further away my words slip

Eventually I may storm off

Or begin to cry

It is painful and disorienting

When I try to force them

There is a panic

If I try to push through

When I don’t accept

What is happening to me

Please don’t mistake my silence for disrespect

Don’t make me speak

Give me time and patience

When I am kind to myself

Eventually the words return on their own

A poem about not being able to speak and anxiety.

The Meltdown

Sometimes it creeps on slowly

I see it coming hours in advance

Other days it hits me like a freight train

I feel like I am always holding off The Beast

Swimming through mental sludge

My head is pounding and my eyes burn

Out in the world I am unprotected

I need to find a private space

Being alone is the only cure

Finally I am home

Worn down and empty

I find myself in bed early

Rolled tightly in blankets

Soothed by darkness

Maybe if I sleep the monster will leave

Sometimes rest is all I need

There are days where nothing can save me

When all my senses begin to run together

Sounds and sights become dizzying sensations

I cannot move but I must

The room is spinning so fast

I make it to the bathroom just in time

as motion sickness overtakes me

I am paralyzed by an indescribable pain

My body and mind stop working together

Getting back to my bed is challenging

So I stay on the floor in my bathroom

Curled into a tight ball

Hiding under a pile of towels

Thinking is impossible

Nothing works

The monster is in control

Total meltdown

Pain and confusion

The Monster has me

Nothing left to do but wait it out

A poem about an Autistic Meltdown.

 

Stop Being Autistic – Stop Being You

Don’t ask me to stop acting Autistic.

I would never ask you to stop being you.

Why can’t you be you and I be me?

You and I are not the same.

I march to my own beat but so do you.

We all do.

Everybody’s different.

No two people are the same.

Misunderstandings and mistakes.

Misspoken words and broken hearts.

Stop being so Autistic!

You are not good enough the way you are.

Why can’t you just be normal?

If only you would try a little harder.

Is that really the best you can do?

You’re too smart for this.

I don’t understand why you keep making the same mistakes.

Slow down.

Be more careful.

Watch what you are doing.

You are so careless.

Stop being so Autistic.

Stop being you.

 

A poem about passing.

 

#SheCantBeAutistic

#ActuallyAutistic

#InvisibleAutism

#InvisibleDisability

A Poem About Sensory Overload / Sensory Meltdown

Squinting in the light

Ticking Clocks

The world is so bright

Everything hums

Shiny daylight fixtures

Killing me slowly

Eyes and brain aching

Stomach turns

I’m not faking

Sounds you can’t hear

Driving me crazy

Can’t tune it out

Can’t make it stop

I close my eyes and rock

Counting to ten

Breathing deeply

Desperately grasping

Trying to hold it in

Looking for a place to hide

The world is spinning

I can’t escape

Hot tears burst

My body burns

Nobody can help me

Let me be

Do not touch me

I need to breathe

Once started

This pain must run its course

Before I sleep

A poem inspired by Sensory Overload / Sensory Meltdowns / Autistic Meltdowns / Sensory Processing Disorder

Invisible Autism – Invisible Disabilities

I am Autistic

My Autism is invisible

It is hiding on the inside

Things in my mind

I do not share

When I cover my ears

and I bow my head.

Sometimes the world is so loud

I can not breathe

Suffocating in the sound

I hold myself tight

Trying to rock away the pain

For a moment I am visible

Did anybody notice?

My eyes dart around the room

Distracted people

My pain is hidden

I remain invisible

A poem inspired by Invisible Illness Awareness week

#ThisIsChronicIllness #InvisibleIllness #InvisibleAutism #ActuallyAutistic #SheCantBeAutistic

#ActuallyAutistic

A poem inspired by the #ActuallyAutistic and #SheCantBeAutistic hashtags that I keep seeing all over the place this week.

#ActuallyAutistic

You are a bit awkward aren’t you?

Actually, I am Autistic.

Autistic? You seem normal to me.

You can’t see Autism.

But you seem so intelligent.

Lots of Autistic people are smart.

You just need to practice socializing more.

I am already doing my best.

Autistic people can’t sit still.

We can, but it is hard and takes more concentration.

You must be high functioning.

Today I am, but sometimes I’m not.

Are you just looking for attention?

No, actually I prefer to be left alone.

You don’t look Autistic.

Actually I’m Autistic.

The natural rhythm of stimming: Erin Clemens at TEDxWestChester – Everybody Stims

Wow! I am just floored but this AMAZING performance! WAY TO GO!

I wish I had the text to go along with this poem to paste below but I have a hard time transcribing things word for word and do not want to mangle her beautiful poem!

Everybody stims – not just you and me. 😉

An amazing poem about Autism and Stimming  The natural rhythm of stimming: Erin Clemens at TEDxWestChester via TEDx Talks