When I tell people I’m autistic, the responses range from “You don’t look autistic!” to “Are you sure?”
These reactions are exhausting. Coming out as autistic is already vulnerable and scary; having to defend your diagnosis on top of that feels like a slap in the face.
Why People Doubt
- Stereotypes:
- Most people expect autism to look like the extremes they see in movies—like a genius mathematician or someone who doesn’t speak at all.
- Masking:
- Years of masking have taught me how to blend in, but that doesn’t mean I’m not autistic.
- Ignorance:
- Many people still don’t understand that autism is a spectrum with a wide range of traits and experiences.
A Memory of Doubt
I remember telling a close friend about my diagnosis, expecting support and understanding. Instead, she said, “But you’re so social! You can’t be autistic.”
I felt like the air had been knocked out of me. I wanted to explain how hard I worked to appear “normal,” but instead, I just smiled and changed the subject.
What Coming Out Feels Like
It’s a mix of relief and fear. Relief because I’m finally being honest about who I am. Fear because I never know how people will react.
Will they believe me? Will they treat me differently? Will they stop inviting me to things because they assume I can’t handle it?
Why Coming Out Matters
- It Normalizes Autism:
- Every time someone comes out as autistic, it chips away at the stigma.
- It Builds Community:
- Sharing my story helps me connect with others who’ve had similar experiences.
- It’s Liberating:
- Hiding who I am is exhausting. Coming out allows me to live more authentically.
What I Wish People Knew
- Believe Us:
- If someone tells you they’re autistic, trust them. They know themselves better than you do.
- Listen:
- Instead of questioning or doubting, ask how you can support them.
- Educate Yourself:
- Learn about autism from autistic voices. Understanding our experiences is the first step to being an ally.
The Double-Edged Sword of Masking: Passing as Neurotypical
Masking is the art of blending in. For many autistic people, it’s a survival skill—a way to navigate a world that wasn’t built for us.
But masking is a double-edged sword. While it helps us avoid judgment and fit in, it also comes with a heavy price.
What Masking Looks Like
- Forcing eye contact, even though it feels uncomfortable.
- Suppressing stims, even though they help me focus.
- Memorizing scripts for social interactions, just to get through a conversation.
The Cost of Masking
- Emotional Exhaustion:
- Pretending to be someone I’m not is draining. By the end of the day, I often feel like a shell of myself.
- Loss of Identity:
- The more I mask, the harder it becomes to remember who I really am.
- Mental Health Struggles:
- Studies show that masking is linked to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout.
Why We Mask
- To Avoid Judgment:
- Society often treats autistic traits as “weird” or “inappropriate.”
- To Stay Safe:
- Masking can protect us from bullying, discrimination, and exclusion.
- To Fit In:
- The pressure to conform is strong, especially in workplaces and social settings.
What Happens When I Unmask
Unmasking is terrifying. It means letting people see the parts of me I’ve hidden for years. But it’s also freeing.
When I unmask, I:
- Feel less exhausted.
- Connect with people who accept me as I am.
- Start to rebuild my sense of self.
A Memory of Unmasking
The first time I stimmed openly in front of a coworker, I was terrified. My hands were shaking, and I avoided eye contact, waiting for her to judge me.
Instead, she smiled and said, “That’s cool—I do something similar when I’m nervous.”
That small moment of acceptance made me realize that unmasking doesn’t always lead to rejection.
What I Wish People Knew About Masking
- It’s Not a Choice:
- Masking is often an automatic response to an unaccommodating world.
- It’s Not Sustainable:
- While masking helps in the short term, it’s not a long-term solution.
- Support Helps:
- Creating safe, inclusive spaces makes it easier for autistic people to unmask.
Final Thoughts
Masking is both a shield and a burden. While it protects us in the moment, it often leaves lasting scars.
If you’re someone who masks, know this: you’re not alone. And while unmasking can be scary, it’s also a step toward freedom.
And if you need me, you’ll find me here—slowly peeling back the layers, one day at a time.
