I first came across The Spoon Theory when I was spiraling into yet another burnout. A friend sent me the article by Christine Miserandino, hoping it would help me understand why I was always so exhausted.
Spoiler alert: it changed my life.
What Is the Spoon Theory?
The Spoon Theory is a metaphor for energy management, originally created to describe living with chronic illness. It works like this:
Imagine you start each day with a limited number of spoons. Every task you do—getting out of bed, making breakfast, answering emails—costs a spoon. When you run out, you’re done. There’s no borrowing from tomorrow’s spoons without serious consequences.
For autistic people, this theory is a lifesaver. It explains the invisible toll of navigating a neurotypical world.
Why Autistic People Run Out of Spoons Faster
- Sensory Overload:
- Bright lights, loud noises, strong smells—each one takes a spoon.
- Masking:
- Pretending to be “normal” in social or professional settings is exhausting and burns through spoons quickly.
- Decision Fatigue:
- Choosing what to wear, what to eat, or how to phrase an email—all these micro-decisions add up.
- Social Interaction:
- Small talk, group settings, and eye contact? Each costs a spoon (or two, or three).
A Day in My Life With Spoons
Let me paint you a picture of a typical day:
I wake up and immediately lose a spoon to sensory overload—the sunlight is too bright, and the texture of my blanket feels wrong.
Breakfast? That’s another spoon gone, because I can’t decide what to eat. Should I have toast or cereal? Why does the cereal box feel sticky?
By the time I leave for work, I’ve already burned through half my spoons. And I still have eight hours of meetings, emails, and small talk to get through.
The Consequences of Overspending Spoons
When I push past my limits, I crash—hard. This isn’t your average fatigue; it’s full-on burnout. I feel like I’m moving through molasses, my brain foggy and my body heavy.
It can take days, sometimes weeks, to recover.
How I Manage My Spoons
- Prioritize:
- I focus on the most important tasks and let go of non-essentials. Laundry can wait; my mental health can’t.
- Set Boundaries:
- I’ve learned to say no to events and obligations that will drain me.
- Schedule Recovery Time:
- After a busy day, I block out time to decompress. Whether it’s watching a favorite show or sitting in silence, it’s non-negotiable.
- Use Tools and Accommodations:
- Noise-canceling headphones, fidget toys, and dim lighting help me conserve spoons throughout the day.
What I Wish People Knew About the Spoon Theory
- It’s Not Just About Physical Tasks:
- Emotional labor, social interactions, and sensory management all cost spoons.
- It’s Different for Everyone:
- Some days, I wake up with more spoons than others. Some tasks cost me more spoons than they might cost you.
- You Can Help:
- Offering support—like running an errand or giving me space—can save me spoons I desperately need.
A Memory of Spoon Mismanagement
Last year, I agreed to help plan a friend’s surprise party. I spent hours texting vendors, designing invitations, and coordinating schedules.
On the day of the party, I was so burned out that I couldn’t even attend. I sat on my couch, wrapped in a blanket, watching the photos roll in on social media.
It was a harsh reminder that I can’t give away spoons I don’t have.
Quotes That Resonate
- “You can do anything, but not everything.” —David Allen
- “Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” —John Lubbock
FAQ
Q: Can’t you just “push through” when you’re out of spoons?
A: I can, but it comes at a cost. Overspending spoons leads to burnout, which takes far longer to recover from than pacing myself.
Q: How can I support someone managing their spoons?
A: Ask how you can help, respect their boundaries, and don’t take it personally if they need to cancel plans or step away.
Q: How do you know when you’re running low on spoons?
A: It’s a mix of physical exhaustion, brain fog, and irritability. Learning to recognize these signs has been key to managing my energy.
Final Thoughts
The Spoon Theory isn’t just a metaphor—it’s a survival strategy. It’s how I navigate a world that demands more from me than I can sometimes give.
If you’re someone who runs out of spoons faster than others, know this: it’s okay to rest, recharge, and say no. Your well-being matters more than anyone’s expectations.
And if you need me, you’ll find me here—carefully counting my spoons and saving a few for the things that truly matter.
