Self-care has become a buzzword, plastered across Instagram in pastel fonts with pictures of bubble baths and candles. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good bath, but self-care for autistic people is a different beast entirely.
For us, it’s less about pampering and more about survival. It’s not just “treat yourself” vibes—it’s basic maintenance for a brain and body that often feel out of sync with the world.
The Culture of Self-Care vs. Reality for Autistics
In mainstream culture, self-care is often marketed as indulgence: spa days, shopping splurges, and yoga retreats. For autistic people, self-care looks more like:
- Turning down invitations to rest.
- Wearing noise-canceling headphones at the grocery store.
- Eating the same meal three days in a row because cooking is too much right now.
It’s not glamorous, but it’s vital.
Virginia Woolf once wrote, “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” For me, that translates to making sure I eat something—even if it’s just cereal—before tackling the chaos of the day.
What Self-Care Looks Like for Me
- Scheduled Solitude: I build alone time into my routine like it’s an appointment. Without it, I can feel my sensory limits fraying.
- Fidget Toys Everywhere: They’re not just for fun—they’re tools that help me focus and regulate.
- Simplified Routines: From meal prepping to wearing the same outfit formula every day, I simplify tasks wherever possible.
- Saying No Without Guilt: Declining social invitations used to make me feel like a bad friend. Now, I see it as an act of self-preservation.
A Memory of Self-Care Gone Wrong
A few years ago, I tried to follow the typical “self-care” advice. I booked a massage, thinking it would help me relax.
Instead, the unfamiliar touch and overpowering scent of essential oils sent me into a full sensory meltdown. I spent the rest of the day hiding in my apartment, my skin crawling with overstimulation.
It was a harsh reminder that self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all. What works for others might not work for me, and that’s okay.
Why Autistic Self-Care Is Crucial
- Burnout Prevention: Without regular self-care, the risk of autistic burnout skyrockets.
- Sensory Regulation: Managing sensory input is a constant balancing act, and self-care helps tip the scales in my favor.
- Energy Conservation: The Spoon Theory—coined by Christine Miserandino to describe energy levels in people with chronic illnesses—perfectly applies here. Every act of self-care saves spoons for the moments that matter most.
Quotes That Resonate
- “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” —Anne Lamott
- “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” —Audre Lorde
Both of these remind me that stepping back, resting, and focusing on myself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
What the Research Says
Studies on autism and self-care are limited, but there’s growing recognition of its importance. A 2020 paper in Autism in Adulthood emphasized the role of self-care in preventing sensory overload and improving mental health outcomes for autistic individuals.
Similarly, the National Autistic Society notes that simple accommodations—like creating low-stimulation environments—can make a huge difference in reducing stress.
Visual Snapshot
I’m curled up on my couch with my weighted blanket, a cup of peppermint tea in hand. The TV is playing a muted nature documentary, the kind with soothing narration and zero plot to follow. My cat, Miso, is sprawled on my lap, her soft purring a comforting white noise.
Outside, the world hums with its usual chaos, but here, in this little bubble of calm, I feel like I can breathe again.
FAQ
Q: What does self-care look like for different autistic people?
A: It varies widely! For some, it’s a quiet walk in nature; for others, it’s binge-watching a favorite show in pajamas. The key is finding what soothes your specific needs.
Q: How can friends and family support autistic self-care?
A: Respect boundaries, offer help with overwhelming tasks, and avoid pressuring them to follow conventional ideas of self-care.
Q: Is it selfish to prioritize self-care?
A: Not at all. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself ensures you can show up for others when it truly matters.
Final Thoughts
For autistic people, self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a lifeline. It’s the buffer between us and a world that often feels too much.
If you’re autistic and struggling with self-care, know this: it’s okay to do what works for you, even if it doesn’t look like the Instagram version.
And if you need me, you’ll find me here—wrapped in my blanket, sipping tea, and reminding myself that survival can be its own kind of victory.
