Eye contact is one of the first social rules we learn. Teachers demand it, parents insist on it, and strangers expect it.
But for me, eye contact feels like staring into the sun.
Why Eye Contact Is Hard
- It’s Overwhelming:
- Looking into someone’s eyes feels like opening a door to their emotions—while trying to sort through my own.
- It’s Distracting:
- If I’m focused on making eye contact, I can’t concentrate on the conversation.
- It’s Unnatural:
- For many autistic people, eye contact doesn’t come naturally. Forcing it feels performative.
A Memory of Avoidance
In high school, a teacher accused me of being rude because I wouldn’t look him in the eye. He didn’t know that I was too busy trying to process his words to worry about where my gaze landed.
What I Do Instead
- Look Elsewhere:
- I focus on someone’s nose or forehead instead of their eyes.
- Explain Myself:
- If someone asks why I’m not making eye contact, I tell them it helps me concentrate.
- Find My Comfort Zone:
- I’ve learned to make brief, intentional eye contact, then look away when it becomes too much.
What I Wish People Knew About Eye Contact
- It’s Not Universal:
- In some cultures, avoiding eye contact is a sign of respect.
- It’s Not Rude:
- If I’m not looking at you, it’s because I’m focusing on what you’re saying—not because I’m ignoring you.
- It’s Not a Measure of Trust:
- Trust is built through actions, not eye contact.
Final Thoughts
Eye contact might seem simple, but for autistic people, it’s anything but.
If you struggle with eye contact, know this: you’re not alone, and you’re not rude. You’re just navigating the world in the way that works best for you.
And if you need me, you’ll find me here—looking out the window, where the world feels a little less overwhelming.
