Socializing is like playing a game where everyone else knows the rules, but I’m making them up as I go. It’s a mix of strategy, guesswork, and blind luck—and let’s just say I’m not always winning.
Over the years, I’ve created my own set of “rules” to navigate social life. Are they perfect? Absolutely not. But they’ve helped me survive everything from awkward small talk to chaotic holiday parties.
Here are 10 of my most ridiculous (yet oddly effective) social survival rules.
Rule #1: The Two-Sentence Limit
When someone asks, “How are you?” I stick to two sentences.
Example: “I’m doing well, thanks! Work’s been busy, but I’m managing.”
This keeps me from oversharing about my latest hyper-focus or spiraling into existential dread about the weather.
Rule #2: Compliment Something—Anything
Compliments are my social cheat code.
If I don’t know what to say, I’ll find something to compliment—shoes, hair, earrings, even their choice of coffee. Compliments are easy, safe, and almost always well-received.
Rule #3: Keep a Script for Small Talk
I have a mental list of go-to questions for awkward silences:
- “Seen any good shows lately?”
- “What’s your favorite thing to do in [location]?”
- “Have you tried the snacks? The [insert food] is amazing!”
It’s not groundbreaking, but it works.
Rule #4: Watch for Exit Cues
If someone starts glancing at their phone or turning their body away, it’s my signal to wrap things up.
I used to miss these cues and keep talking, which led to some painfully awkward moments. Now, I pay close attention to body language.
Rule #5: Carry a “Social Prop”
Whether it’s a drink, a notebook, or even my phone, having something to hold makes me feel less exposed. It’s also a handy way to occupy my hands when I’m feeling nervous.
Rule #6: Never Skip a Greeting
“Say hi and smile” is the most basic rule, but it’s also the hardest.
My natural resting face is serious, and people often think I’m mad or uninterested. Smiling takes effort, but it’s worth it to avoid being misunderstood.
Rule #7: Don’t Bring Up Special Interests (Unless Asked)
Nothing clears a room faster than me launching into a monologue about the history of tea or the evolution of urban architecture.
Instead, I wait for someone else to ask about my interests—or for the conversation to naturally flow in that direction.
Rule #8: Take Strategic Breaks
At big events, I always plan an escape route. Bathrooms, balconies, or quiet corners are my best friends.
If I feel overwhelmed, I excuse myself for a breather and come back when I’m ready.
Rule #9: Use Humor to Deflect
When all else fails, I lean on self-deprecating humor.
Example:
Someone: “You’re so quiet!”
Me: “I’m just storing up my energy for the dessert table.”
It’s a lighthearted way to acknowledge my awkwardness without making things too heavy.
Rule #10: Be Okay With Failing
Not every interaction will go smoothly. I’ll say the wrong thing, interrupt someone, or accidentally ghost a friend because I forgot to respond.
But I’m learning to forgive myself. Socializing is hard, and perfection isn’t the goal—connection is.
A Social Catastrophe I’ll Never Forget
At a friend’s wedding, I accidentally called the groom’s mother by the wrong name. She corrected me gently, but I was mortified.
For the rest of the night, I avoided her entirely, convinced I’d ruined everything.
The next morning, my friend texted: “Mom thought you were so sweet! She said you were shy but really kind.”
It was a reminder that people are often more forgiving than I am with myself.
Visual Snapshot
I’m sitting in my living room, sipping tea and re-reading a favorite book about social psychology. On the coffee table, my notebook is open to a list titled, “Things to Say at Next Week’s Office Party.”
Outside, the sky is gray, and rain taps softly against the windows. My cat, Miso, is sprawled on the couch, her tail flicking lazily. It’s a quiet moment, but my mind is already racing, preparing for the social gauntlet ahead.
FAQ
Q: Is it common for autistic people to create social rules?
A: Absolutely. Many of us use rules or scripts to navigate social situations more confidently.
Q: What happens if you break one of your rules?
A: I often feel embarrassed or anxious, but I remind myself that social interactions are messy for everyone—not just me.
Q: How can I support an autistic person in social settings?
A: Be patient, avoid putting them on the spot, and let them engage at their own pace.
Final Thoughts
Socializing as an autistic woman is like walking a tightrope. Every step feels precarious, but each successful interaction is its own little victory.
If you’re navigating social life with your own set of “ridiculous” rules, know this: you’re not alone. And sometimes, the best connections happen when we let the rules bend a little.
And if you need me, you’ll find me here—rehearsing my small talk scripts, sipping tea, and bracing myself for the next adventure.
